Opening My Heart
I belong to a grp. called Sister's In Spirit and this was my monthly sharing with them...Thought I would share with my DS friends. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am working on opening my heart all the time and since Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, I thought I would share.
Several days ago, I made the commitment (or Spirit made it for me) J to healing every obstacle that was a block to Love; as I wasn’t feeling very loving. I’m not talking about “ being in love” I am talking about the Love/God/Light/Goodness that resides within me. I was and am willing to look at the everyday struggles and feelings that, at times, keep me separated from this Love. I made a COMMITMENT and am committed to remove from my mind whatever is keeping me away.
Here’s an awareness I had: I had to learn how to shake hands with the Devil and recognize the Devil’s face is mine. The part of me that is not loving at times; or feels unloving and unworthy.
Now what do I do? I have been shown through this process, I must learn to DANCE with the darkness. Embrace the darkness. As soon as I embrace the Darkness it’s as if it is released and an Angel appears. Once I embrace my “shortcomings” I am automatically coming from this place of LOVE I felt separated from. When I can dance with my own fears they no longer are frightening to me!
Happy Valentine’s Day. May you find the Love you are seeking; it is already seeking you!
I am working on opening my heart all the time and since Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, I thought I would share.
Several days ago, I made the commitment (or Spirit made it for me) J to healing every obstacle that was a block to Love; as I wasn’t feeling very loving. I’m not talking about “ being in love” I am talking about the Love/God/Light/Goodness that resides within me. I was and am willing to look at the everyday struggles and feelings that, at times, keep me separated from this Love. I made a COMMITMENT and am committed to remove from my mind whatever is keeping me away.
Here’s an awareness I had: I had to learn how to shake hands with the Devil and recognize the Devil’s face is mine. The part of me that is not loving at times; or feels unloving and unworthy.
Now what do I do? I have been shown through this process, I must learn to DANCE with the darkness. Embrace the darkness. As soon as I embrace the Darkness it’s as if it is released and an Angel appears. Once I embrace my “shortcomings” I am automatically coming from this place of LOVE I felt separated from. When I can dance with my own fears they no longer are frightening to me!
Happy Valentine’s Day. May you find the Love you are seeking; it is already seeking you!
Replies
This is really helpful to me personally. I agree with embracing the darkness...maybe it has an important voice that gives me advice or needs healing? Good stuff , as always! Happy valentines day to you xxxxxx
I really like this. I think it\'s a wonderful way to celebrate Valentine\'s day... focusing on the light within :) Love that :)
TGB: I think you are right on. As I reflect on my life, I can honestly say \"the worse loss I have ever experienced is the greatest gift I ever had.\" That\'s where I am today....A few years ago...not so much.
BCP: Thank-you. And yes, reflecting and remembering my Inner Light is a great gift to myself! It is a gift that keeps on giving! Without believing and knowing this Truth, I would probably not be here today! I am very grateful!
Yep, good stuff. I\'m learning to like ALL of me, not just the tiny part that seems to be the only Good Part. I think it\'s called Letting Go of the negative thoughts. We are one; good and bad, if we bother to judge. It really depends on who\'s doing the judging, right? Some one may see OUR good points as Bad. Just drop it, and admit we do have faults of some sort, if we bother looking for it, and \"So what?\" Live with it! It\'s really not that important to be any more perfect than we are right now.
Hugs
Rich
I\'m not sure...but I have come to believe it\'s all about \"EMBRACING\" what you heard me call the \"good, bad and ugly\" of myself. Whem I can do this, that is that LOVE I am seeking....Make sense? It\'s all kinda new; but I think it\'s working. i.e. lately quite a bit of anger has been coming up for me ... here\'s wht I have been telling myself: I\'m not going to fight it...I\'m going to recognize it...I\'m going to embrace it and thank it for showing up ... then, I\'m going to ask for another way to look at it.
The anger once again came from someone ignoring me (that makes my little girl feel as if she doesn\'t exist) and that\'s such a strong childhood issue for me. I watched my little girll once again. and validated her feelings...after honoring her, I asked to see things a different way. A different way showed me once again, how confused and lost my Mom was; unable to love or show love because of her pain; except for the beating, was mostly ignored (like the person is doing to me now)!I I seem to attract this A LOT! Of course I do, it really needs to be healed. When I really get this, forgiveness sets in. Forgiveness for judging myself for being angry (quite a normal feeling) and then forgiveness for my Mom.
So really I can\'t call \"feeling angry\" being negative..it tries to show me over and over and over how to open my heart if I am willing to go there.
Like I said, this is a new awareness and I\'m not quite sure how to explain it. But I do know, I am no longer fighting the darkness, but going to embrace it!
Hugszzz, Vicki
I thought you expressed it well.
xx
Hi Vicki,
I guess I think all of our emotions are cues to our thinking. But sometimes my thinking is just off. I am telling myself things that are not reality, but something in my head, my perception. When I do that, I end up feeding emotions triggered by something that is not even real.
(The same way that if I imagine myself standing at the top of a building I become anxious even though I am not really there, or the way I can suspend disbelief when watching a movie, so that I am the one running from a dinosaur or swimming away from a shark, in my head, LOL.)
For me, what is behind the emotion is as important as the emotion itself - the thoughts. Because when I am feeding some nonsense to my head and then becoming angry over it, well, I find it more helpful to challenge the thought. When I do that, the emotion drains away all by itself. I don\'t have to stuff it, ignore it or embrace it. I can just say, \"Well, that is not true...\" and the energy just goes away by itself.
Another perspective, but I find it very helpful for me.
Hugs,
Shar
Thank-you for sharing Shar! We all find our own way.
Years ago I took a class and heard this statement:\"Feeling follows thought.\" The thought I have \"someone pisses me off because they don\'t speak to me...my feeling...ANGER.\" So if I am hearing you right, you do away with that thought AND realize that thought is nonsense...I\'m just curious if this concept is what you are saying? Whatever work for us, works for us. I was just trying to understand. :-)
Thanks for sharing.
Hugszzz, Vicki
Good, all of you. May I? My interpretation is that we don\'t realize we are choosing both the thought, and the usual reaction, except the reaction is automatic, we stop thinking. So the thought \"someone pisses me off because they don\'t speak to me...my feeling...is ANGER.\"; as though that it is way it MUST always follow, because that\'s what we trained our Roommate to do. WE are the ones who connect the feeling to the thought, and we can break that connection with a better one, if we practice changing our response to the thought: I\'ve been hurt!\". It\'s a habitual way of \"re-acting\"; without thought: whenever THIS is sensed, THIS must be the feeling to feel. Where that combination isn\'t necessarily true. The thought \"triggers\" the emotional reaction, out of an old learned habit of that particular connection.
It\'s like finally getting the concept that \"no one can hurt me unless I agree to feel hurt by whatever they do. I mean, the question in my mind is \"How important is it, really? Do I want to feel angry? does that feel good? or does it feel painful? Because I need to take responsibility for the feeling, the pain, and recognize I am the one hurting me emotionally! No outside force has struck me, only a thought has struck me; and I blame someone else\'s behaviors for triggering the thought IN MY very own head HEAD. So who\'s really controlling my thoughts, ME or my reactions the external stimulation outside of me. MY question then is: why do I continue to allow this to happen? as though I have no control, or at least I haven\'t learned to control it; I never was told I could. (It\'s too ingrained in our social learning...I guess). Maybe we\'re developing a new insight here. Maybe I\'ll try to change that, and start feeling better emotionally, and not confuse it with physical pain. Go figure.
Excellent topic; it definitely struck a nerve with me. Thanks ya\'ll,
Hugszzz, too,
Rich
CRAP! There\'s more. I\'m in the FLOW. The idea that, \"If I see this, I must think that, and whenever I think that, I MUST feeling THIS feeling\". REALLY?! Who made that an immutable law? WE DID! As in \"OMG! I\'m so very, very, VERY special and important that no one, NO ONE, should EVER ignore my needs. sounds familiar, to me, either my parents talking to me, or me to my parents, or both. So that\'s where I got it. Maybe it\'s time to stop letting my Roommate convince me ITS so important. That its fantasy HONOR has been marred from perfection by what it witnessed. FOUL, FOUL! Penalty!!! That\'s incorrect behavior toward my little ego-of-importance. Geeze. I feel I\'m teetering on the brink of humility, here.
G\'nite,
Rich
Rich...I like everything you said and it is all sooo true. However, the trigger I had took me off guard. I AM much better with this person not speaking to me and realize it is her stuff. The other day I had a client at noon. When I got to the salon around five til\' tweleve, she was in my chair. She said \"I didn\'t know if you were here or not so I went in the back room and said \"Vicki are you here\" then I look around for you, didn\'t see you and decided to wait for awhile.\" I got there at exactly 12:00. I said after she told me this, \"didn\'t Shelly tell you I wasn\'t here yet?\" she said no. Shelly works approximately 6ft. from me. I was pissed! Shelly is the girl who ignores me. I can deal with that, but I feel it is proper courtesy to tell a client her hairdresser is not in yet.
I calmed down and didn\'t call the \"head lady in charge\" for a couple days because I didn\'t want to make it a personl thing between Shelly and I; which I did the first day. Me and my thinking: \"she is so fucking rude, she doesn\'t speak to client\'s, she doesn\'t answer the phone, she won\'t say good morning, etc.\" I got over this pretty fast, as I knew this was all about me and my stuff. Anyway, I called the shop ower the third day (only telling her of the last incident; not about personal Shelly) and she thought we should have a meeting as there are many things that should be discussed. GREAT!
In the meeting, I asked if phone calls came and you were with a client, did you want to be told about the phone call?...then, I said, if I wasn\'t here and a client came in would you please let them know I am not here yet AND feel free to look at my appt. book (which is in my drawer) and see if the client has the right time. The Boss Lady shared some other things that had been going on and another person shared some stuff. So, it ws more of a professionl meeting and not a personal one. I was proud of myself for not doing the \"blame\" thing....Anyway, this spontaneous moment brought about anger... I went with it and allowed myself to feel it. It was such a sense of unworthiness and you don\'t exist (you know Rich) This, once again, led me to an understanding of why I am triggered by moments as such.
It was a huge lesson and it showed me JUST when I think I have it together, I am smacked up side the head by a 2X4! Bam! Another opportunity to heal.
One more thing: Being able to share during the meeting and not making somebody wrong or somebody right was HUGE for me.
Thanks for all the feedback!
Hugszzzz, Vicki
Hi Vicki and Rich,
I think we are all getting to similar places and conclusions maybe a bit differently, but really the same ideas, overall. My experience about intense anger and frustration that has changed somewhat with some people (thankfully) was when I was on overload at my church. And I kept telling various ones (passively) that I was tapped out, could not take on more, etc. and they kept asking anyway. And I was furious, but I was also continuing to take on more. I was actually considering quitting the church because \"They\" were doing this and that \"to me.\"
And then the light came on, with help from some books, DS and actually believing that I did have choices. One of my irrational beliefs was that I \"should not say \'no\'.\" So, this was a problem as the more I did, the more the church wanted from me. Avoidance was one way of handling it (tried that, too, lol). The thing is, much as I tried, I could not control what every person asked, said, did, etc. And all it did was raise my ire at them, because this was all \"their fault.\"
Then, miraculously, instead of having a meltdown, I told myself that I have a right to say \"no.\" And I kept telling myself that L or whoever can ask whatever she wants until the cows come home. I cannot control it by wishing, avoiding, etc. However, I can take care of myself and I can choose my responses. And life became so much easier for me. There was no need for the anger, because I was taking care of myself. They could ask and I could say \"no\" and I was not feeling angry any more about the asking.
Since then, I try to look at what is behind the feeling. I agree with Rich, sometimes these triggers are knee-jerk - the thought happens so fast that suddenly the emotion is there and I am reacting to that. So, this long winded answer is to agree with you both, and also to say, yes, I mean that i believe feelings follow thoughts. What we are telling ourselves inside and believing, creates the emotion that we feel.
I think emotions can be valuable cues. In your case, Vicki, it was rude to the client and needed to be addressed, IMO. But the way you went about it sounded like a healthy resolution. As you said, it was not blaming. :-)
Hugs,
Shar
Thank-you Shar! As you said, I think were all headed in the same direction; just different ways! I don\'t know, maybe not. I don\'t think it really matters! :-)
Dentist appt. at 9:45. Gotta scoot.
Thanks again Rich and Shar! Your the best.
Hugszzzz, Vicki
You two are great! Really, providing different viewpoints of the same topic. It\'s a language thing isn\'t it? A personal language, that seems to make sense to each of us. The anger, and saying \"No\", I feel (and have been educated) is about the GUILT for saying no to 1) a request to prove we\'re acceptable to someone else (maybe our selves and our Roommate too?), and 2) saying no is \"bad\", so we are bad, and 3) anger at ourselves for not taking care of OUR needs and sacrificing OUR feelings in order to control other\'s feelings.
You know what? (No, of course not, you\'re not mind-readers, you can\'t predict the future and you don\'t know what I\'m about to say until it is said and becomes the past) I had a FLASH thought of where this might come from: telling Mom or Dad \"NO!\" as child, and 1) being spanked for disobeying them, and 2) feeling guilty for not being able to control their feelings at punishing us and violating our feelings and growing independent identity. What do you feel/think? Maannn that\'s an Oooold wound!!! As Shar says, it\'s time to change that hidden belief (and forced emotional conditioning) so we keep learning to take care of ourselves and OUR feelings, instead of being all CO-dependent on trying to control others, which is impossible. \"By golly, I think she\'s got it!!!\"
Thanks you two,
Happy Valentines Day!!!
Rich
(Now to actually DO something about changing, through action, i.e., different responses. \"THEY\" don\'t make me feel angry and GUILTY, I do! So start breaking the rules if I want to feel better about my right to be ME!)