Open Heart Surgery

Why doesn't anything ever change in this life..? Why does everything just repeat itself.. I'm a strong person, but i'm tired of getting hurt too you know.. I feel like i'm slowly weaving a circle and if i don't just burn everything it won't end. I'm too nice, caring and trusting. It's destroying me. I just wanna beat someone. A certain someone. But I still love him too much. I'm such a mixed up individual. I don't know what I need anymore. I just want someone to take everything away. I wish I had the perfect person, no. You know what. I do have the fucking person now. I don't need what I use to fucking have. He fucking screwed me over, and this will totally be fucked up of me and Karma will get me for saying this, but I hope he gets screwed over and hurt just as bad, because that's how Karma works. I don't know why I try to be so nice and caring. I don't know why I insist on being there for everyone, or at least try to be. I don't know why I try to be friends with someone who I half hate and still have love. It's just the insufferable, caring, pitiful human that is me. I wish to change the world with that person.