Open Future With DDD, Coping Alone

I saw my doctor yesterday, the neurosurgeon I trust. He says he doesn't know what's wrong with me. I had a compassionate appointment a few weeks ago, did the test he required and they are inconclusive. That means , as I understand it...as nothing shows to be changing on my exrays and there is no more damage or deterioration at this point, then we wait on the NCT and go from there. I was asked if I had heard of Neurontin, Gabapentin. I was actually stunned as he put me on a doubled dose of it only a few weeks ago. He seemed a little stand-offish with me this time. I tried to see his perspective. I am non-surgical, he has no answers for my increasing pain, and I have to adjust and learn on my own again how to live and survive this. It was a distressing feeling to go through this yet again. I didn't handle it well at all last time so I must learn from that experience so I don't repeat it. 
On a better note, I saw my primary care doctor and then a referred OB/GYN PA for updated care. So far all the test I have to do have been good to excellent, awaiting test results. I have more to come and am waiting on authorization. 
I used to get right on top of authorizations, calling and confirming.  I'M TIRED, OH SO TIRED. I don't want to do this anymore. No more tests, no more poking and prodding with needles, no more sad doctor's faces, no more statements of " Nothing I can do for you." no more pain, no more losses, no more astronomical and insane medical bills, no more deciding if I can go or do anything each day, no more of this aloneness and sadness that creeps in to envelop my spirit. But...I am not alone in truth. God is with me. Had he not been, I'd not be here as this, at times, is just too much to cope with. I will curl up in the arms of my Abba Father for a while. I'm going to be okay, I promise you all. 
DDD really sucks!!!