Onward VIII

Did Hubby's psychosis break last night? Even from the inside, it can be hard to know when a psychotic episode breaks. To my senses, it is rather like when a physical flu fever breaks. The immediate threat eases, but there remains much healing to be done and there remains much threat of complications. Again I thank the name, rank and acronym forgotten therapist who introduced me to the concept of "Psychic flu." The analogy resonates wonderfully in my strictly personnal healing journey, as well as in providing support for people who are dealing with issues of their own. Don't eat the verbal vomit, nor ask the patient to do so.

Conversation was still stiff and undesireable between us as of bedtime and the baby was fussing in the hands of her Super Gampy, but the night's sleep was calm enough to make me suspect the rest was restorative. What little snipe-free conversation Hubs and I accomplished was focused on each of us getting help for ourselves once the girls start their new daycare on Tuesday. Tomorrow. Big Sis is excited to beat the band over starting her new school.

Did Hubs look disappointed when I told him I would be going my own way on the quest for renewed therapy? He is much more skilled at managing computer networks than running a therapy program. Repeat the therapy adage that spouses make lousy therapists, even when the spouse is qualified to therapute J. Q. Public. My own business as usual of letting him carry on his family tradition of hubby telling all the stories simply doesnae work in a therapy session. This ain't a company party, babycakes. I ain't one of your remodiates (remote workers). For the feminine supporters who are probably gearing up for the standard male-bashing lectures, please remember my speech defect and performance anxiety. For the most part, I sincerely appreciate being able melt into the background while a more naturally gifted voice provides compensation for my speech defect. Sorry if it offends you. It works for me. Still, every coping tool has its limits. Effective therapy is a strictly personal do-it-yourself project.

The VA and veteran support groups are second only to Alanon in my most sustainably effective therapy sources. I still havenae overcome the dogmatic feel I have felt about U.S. Alanon groups since my return from Ecuador in 2008. Works in progress. . . For now, my therapy quest is focused on cracking the local veteran's network and checking VA resources in the nearby metroplex. We see what grows. Keeping my thoughts open to all available options, new and old.

Stepping small and praying big. . . I miss you, my son. Your children miss you and their mama, too.