Onward VII
With the shared suspicion of having found the new normal for the children, Hubs and I have begun sniping at one another. Yesterday evening's snipe fest frightened the children for a while, but I was grateful for how easily we were able to back off and calm their fears. The snipe shots havenae escalated into tit-for-tat skirmishes. Yet. . . Saluting all nag flags. . .
Hubs and Big Bro spent the evening at the HS football game while the sisters and I collapsed into an early bedtime. Early enough that Big Sis and I have been stirring since around 2 a.m. That is early, even for us, butnae shockingly so. I believe Big Sis inherited my gypsy sleeper gene. Our best sleeping hours depend entirely on where the action of the day is. With the Harvest Moon reaching fullness outside our window, there is extra action going in the bewitching hours. Insert Cat Stevens here. "Leaping and dancing with a moon shadow. Moon shadow, moon shadow."
This morning finds me reluctant to look too closely at the snipery between Hubs and I. Methinks our senior bones are simply worn to the nubs. The shit storm season has been intense since June. Grumpery happens when exhaustion happens. . . Prayers in progress that there will be some stress relief in the girls starting day care on Tuesday. Just praying. . .
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Is that what causes that early to bed up at 2-3 am cycle, Arfie? The Gypsy Sleeper Gene? More & more my Slavic & Romanian (pre-relocating to Poland side) must be doing over time.
I think your assessment of the bones being worn to “nubs” is quite correct Arfie. If your situation, I likely would be tit-for-tatting with my husband with less self control.
Continue to be gentle and empathetic towards your husband, the GKs, and most importantly yourself, my friend.
Hugs, much support, love, prayers and lots of lucky charms to support you, Arfie!
Big hug sweetie …. I sure hear you re 'grumpery' and exhaustion ….. You all remain in my prayers....xo
What you're going through these days would make anybody cranky, arfie. Hope you can get yourself a little rest somehow. Prayers ongoing and ongoing for you.
I'm not quite sure why tears come when someone does something to help me or is super nice to me because they care about me or love me. On the other side of the coin, I don't know Why I Can Be So Bitchy at times, in my self therapy, I do believe the "it" of the anger comes from a lacking of control over what is happening. Throw in overwhelmed, tired, and beyond the pain of loss and your own Life and Hubby's own Life as you knew, is now out of your control, your new life, so hard to deal with each day, yet the both of you are trying to cope as best as you both can and to provide a stable life for your GK's and their fears, and the grief they and expressing in many different ways.
??I don't know if their reaction has much to do with you and hubby, sadly from their Mom possibly when she was hidden away, by her need and ? in her bedroom??? You are both dancing to the tune of https://www.youtube.com/watchv=AREppyQf5uw, hanging on to that branch of Faith and hoping not to fall.... until that time comes, loosing the overwhelmed and out of control, pain from both of your grief over the loss of your son, for You and Hubby the tit for tats or sniping at one another is done because it's safe, hubby loves you, you love hubby....and frustrations that happen, if not expressed they grow and grow.... perhaps into your full blown tit for tats??? For my mouth to avoid confronting John with "my control" issues, I try to say to myself 'how important are my words in the "Grand Scheme of Life" If I've No Control over his behavior and what I say will not change what is displeasing to me....that is his life to sort out and find his own way...very hard to do but I'm getting better as I learn how Not To Be an emotional hostage through Al-Anon with new boundaries for my own mental and physical health First.
Continuing Prayers for All's Highest Good as you all travel the road of New and Healing
Having a daily break from the child rearing sounds just like what is needed. Prayers continuing.