only a few days in

I am just a few days GF and it feels like my world is crashing down.  it is so difficult to stay strong, when all i can see are my faults and all the failure in my life for the last number of years.  I started this process feeling so hopeful, but right now i just feel sadness.  I must stay strong for my life, for my family, but most importantly for me.  It helps reading about others who feel the same desperation and how they are working so hard to change.  i havent reached the point where i can just be honest about my addiction with those who matter the most to me, and that is the hardest part.  The secretes and the dishonesty has always weighed so heavily on me, and I cant wait until the day I can just be free.  I am determined to change and know that i can do this.