One year since I tried to kill myself

Its been a whole year since i tried to kill myself and ended up in the loony bin :D
mom is acting all weird today over sentimental and shit calling old friends and people thanking them for their support in "those trying times" and the people at the loony bin for "saving her son" and how I "owe them my life".
well news flash fuckers I didnt fucking want to be saved I did not need or want their fucking support and trying times my ass that woman had a ball being the center of attention playing the victim telling people how her son was a total fuck up getting me locked up again until she could break my will and make me her bitch again. Goddammit I feel like ripping her throat out right now :@
Okay anyways moving on I felt like really strong craving to get high last night like really really strong and dad was poking me saying stuff like why do you work so hard take it easy, enjoy life make it comfortable enjoy the comforts of like bla bla, and I got like pissed as hell and just exploded in his face.
I just went like I dont give a shit about these "comforts" they dont matter to me nothing matters to me anymore; I dont enjoy food of any kind I can barely tell the difference between chicken and goat, I dont care if I am sleeping on the floor or on a fucking king sized bed, I dont care what people think of me, I dont care if I have a degree or a girlfriend or a wife or good cloths I just dont care. None of these things can make me happy or "comfort" me, the only thing that can comfort me is heroin and that I cant have so yeah fuck comfort there is none for me not anymore.
All I care about is vengeance; I wanna destroy those who fucked with me, I wanna climb my way back to the top of the food chain the very fucking top from whence i fell. It is all I care about, the only thing that matters anymore. They say before you embark on a journey of revenge dig two grave, I died and buried my heart a long long time ago.
I haven't cut myself in quite a while almost a little over 2 weeks, I know what you are thinking 2 weeks is quite a while? well for me it is so good for me. The girlfriend keeps me in check shes cut herself on the chest last time I harmed myself she said she'll cut herself every time I cut. So sweet poor little girl doesnt know that threats like these dont work but I dont wanna disappoint her so no cutting for you shendy.
hmmm.... what else should I put in here in this update I dont know there was so much else to write to say but iv forgotten everything now so i guess I will just go and game instead :D