One year later

I just read my last journal entry, just about one yer ago. Every thing the same with him... No not true his mental state has deteriorated and he just no longer cares (I just don't give a shit) his usual response. 
he seems to have lost all ability or willingness to care about how his actions affect those around him and he is nothing but angry that I am a " psycho Catholic Bitch".
that being said... After the crazy fight we had last week I could see how crazed this has made me and how 20 years of acute alcoholism has made me a raging co dependent... I got so angry I knocked over some of his prized train set, boy did that give him the upper hand in his delusional world. 
I am once again renewing my commitment to myself to get well. I don't like that I allowed myself to break his toys, I know why I did it and forgive myself, but that is not who I want to be. I need to let go of my need for him to change. I need to let go of my fear guilt and anger. I need to realize that I cannot save him, he has chosen this life for himself. I can be okay side by side with him.
iwill listen and consider his criticisms of me, but not with the heartbreaking guilt that accompanies each attempt to talk about this issue. That conversation has ended. I can sit with this grief.... The knowledge that alcohol has destroyed a beautiful potential, but I feel that evil creeping into my soul. And I reject it, even if it mean rejecting my Husband.