One Year Anniversay
Jan. 6, 2010 that was the day the divorce was made final, and yet I still have not been allowed to remove my personal belongings from the house. Maybe this is why I have been so strange the last few days, maybe not. To get out of the house today I agreed to take Robin to a test she was taking. There was confusion over where the address was located, but I finally got her there. Then I went to my PO Box and picked up my mail. I had a letter from my lawyer, it is official I have no lawyer anymore. Amazing how fast this request was handled, but the important stuff is still pending. I wish my ex would speak to me and let me get my things out of the house, but that will never happen. I give him about a month then his lawyer will call me back into court where she will try to have my spousal support ended. And if the courts run true to form I will be penniless before the year is over. I can't believe I am almost 59 years old, with no job, no hope for a job and just days from being homeless. Today I was having chest pains, per an online program I should have gone to an ER for a doctor to determine if I am having heart problems. But I have no insurance and if I do have a heart attack it would be best if I just died. I don't think I have any kind of heart trouble, but the pain does come and go and becomes very uncomfortable. If my cancer would come back that is another way to end all of this. And yet I am supposed to be moving on. On to what? Yes I am happy to be alive, but then consciousness causes me to remember why I am where I am. Why can't I be happy the way my friends at DS seem to be. They are happy to be rid of their ex's, why can't I?Why can't I focus on the good things in my new life, maybe because they are fewer than I expected. I never thought I was divorcing my kids. I never would have done any of this if I had for one moment thought they would behave this way towards me. I would rather have died due to the neglect of their father towards me. I should have died during all those operations. I should have just said "No thanks" when they told me I had breast cancer, I would have still had my kids, until I died. Now I have no kids and I will still die. What was the whole point of all of this? The point was my ex needed to win again. To prove he truly is in control and will always be in control of me, even with out the boundaries of marriage. To show me he controls the courts and anything is wants to control, he can lie, cheat, steal anything he wants and call of it legal and anything I say or do is illegal and mentally unstable. So be it.
Replies
I don\'t understand why you do not have your things - you are divorced! That should have been specified in your decree. I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. You may think your ex will \"win\", but he will pay the price, even if it\'s not here on earth. You are not alone - there are many on here who care about you and they are not going away! Hang in there!!!
Thank you Cindy. I know you are right but it is so hard. Thank you and everyone else here for caring and understanding.
Have you checked out what aid you might be able to receive? Can you possibly get on medicaid with all the health problems you have. What about food stamps?
I make $5 a month too much for medicaid from my spousal support and not sure about food stamps. I have tried to get other kinds of medical help, but I am not homeless yet and I do not have a rap sheet. In my state it seems the only one\'s that can get assistance are those that refuse to live by societies rules or you are a vegetable. I know I am exaggerating, but I spent 6 months trying to get different kinds of help and every time I got to the front of the line I was told they couldn\'t offer the help anymore and I really wasn\'t that bad off. So I am very jaded, but will try again when my ex takes away my spousal support.
Ask about things for displaced homemakers. I\'ve heard they have cut back on some funding but who knows there might be something available.
Check back often on these services. i know when I chekced on SS I got the wrong info from one of the people I talked to at SS. No one really does their job any more. You have to kind of stay on top of everything. I would find someway to lose that extra $5.00 so you can get on medicaid.
Check with some of the local charities. Golden harvest if it\'s in your area. Start now to research all this so you can act on it when you qualify. I\'m so sorry you are going thru this.
There are a lot of things I don\'t understand about your story. Why don\'t you have your things? How will your husband be able to end your spousal support? Why aren\'t you able to keep your relationships with your kids? Why aren\'t you still with your attorney?
Having said all of that, I\'m just a little older than you, and I\'m separated from my husband. I know divorcing him will hurt me financially, but you\'re really scaring me. What should I know before I file?
01/09/2011 6pm
Please know that we all care about you. Your journal is so sad. I wish I had the words to help you, but I can offer friendship and support and my prayers for you. Know that you are still alive for a reason, you have fought a hard battle to get to today, strive to make it through each day, one day at a time.
I think that most of us here on DS were not happy to get rid of our ex\'s, but we didn\'t have a choice. We all had to do what was best for each of us. I\'m still so depressed over the whole situation, but the divorce was the best thing for me. Someday you, others and myself will find some happiness. The journey is hard. Our marriages were such a large part of our lives so they are not easily forgotten.
Look into all the agencies that can help guide you to finding some financial support. Make an appointment at a mental health center, they can give you support and maybe be able to tell you what steps you should be taking.
Please don\'t dwell on dying dwell on your friends and all the support you can find.
I\'m sending you many, many, many (((Hugs))), prayers, peaceful thoughts and my love, support and friendship, please accept them and hold them close to your heart and especially in your mind so you can remember and feel them at your time of need.
I also thank you for you caring friendship.