One year ago today

Two years ago today we found out you had cancer, today I am  reliving  that emotion and horror as if it was yesterday. I thought the day of your death would be the hardest for me, but I am finding out the three weeks leading to your death is much harder. I flashback to how fast your health declined. I watched you wither away daily. I remember all the hugs, crying and push for our legal issues to be resolved. It is mostly a blur for me except watching you as you slept, trying to remember every feature on your face. fearfully thinking of the day I would be lying in this bed alone doing just what I'm doing, wondering how will I ever go on without you. Feb 19th is creeping up and I have been able to financially pull myself together but emotionally I still go to bed in a fetal position and weep like it was yesterday that I lost you. I had no idea what to expect and I still do not know. What I do know is everyday I realize how lucky I am to have these deep feelings of true love for you, you have been my friend since we were kids and not even death can stop the connection between us. I miss you with every beat of my heart. I am so grateful for your love and friendship. Your presents calms me, I know you are here. I know I will find you again this can not be the end.