one year

I went to go see Sophia's grave today. And we finally get to see what her headstone will look like. The funny thing was there were actual honest to God roosters running around the cemetery. They were trying to behead a poor little squirrel. At first, I was mad and got in my car to drive to the office and complain, but randomly I remembered that Sophia had never gotten to see a rooster, and I remembered how after she died I would cry whenever I saw a bird because I knew she would never get to see one herself. And I started laughing. Maybe they came to see my girl? I always thought animals are pretty pure at heart and closer to God than us, maybe they could just sense my pain and weren't there to do anything but make me laugh.
Either way, I let them be. :) (And the squirrel got away, too).
But I did cry my eyes out. I put a single red rose on her grave and told her happy early birthday. I said the usual. I told her about the new blankie I bought her new cousin Casey, and the singing Mickey Mouse Doll I bought her cousin Alex, and how I wished I could have been buying them for her.
 
I really wish I had a rainbow baby to hold onto right now. I'm regretting not pushing harder to have one. Maybe it's just like a reaction to being so close to Sophia's birthday?
Anyway, my precious little baby girl would be a year old next Saturday, One week. I love you Angel, Happy Birthday :(