One week
Just passed a week... It has been a few months I think since I went that long actually, that I can remember anyways. It has been kinda tough but not too bad, had a few strong urges, but I was busy for the most part, lots to do and no time to waste. Now I can definitely feel the urges building quite strong, like a constant nagging in the back of my mind like I am missing something or forgetting to do something!
Next week is going to be tough for sure. Its a short week so hopefully I can get through it. The problem is I have some extra cash right now. That should be a good thing, and I want to use it to pay down some debt or something, but the bad thing is it isn't enough to really make a difference or put a dent in anything... Do I give it to one of my friends I owe money to, do I give it to one of my parents, both of whom I owe money to, or do I pay down my CC with it instead, which feels like trying to build a dam with toothpicks...
Overall not sure how I am feeling. All I can really focus on right now is work and my allergies which take over my life right now. I do feel a little bit of withdrawal I think, a little bit of a quick temper, short fuse, depression, edgy and restless. Trying to fill some time with word games on my phone and forget about card games and dice games, but it is tough.
I also just heard an ad on the radio about the slot place which is directly on my drive home. I only went there once because I hate slots, and the one time I did go it just confirmed that I hate slots so its easy to stay away - until now, hearing the ad that said they have video blackjack. I do like blackjack, so it will be even harder to resist that temptation now. If only I hated blackjack, poker, roulette and dice as much as I hate slots?!?
But I do have a lot to be thankful for, it has been a good long wknd, and lots of hard work but I enjoy hard work when I can see the fruits of my labour so a nice home, a nice garden, are very rewarding and make me feel good. I feel like if I could make some progress with my career that maybe I would be able to just never think about gambling again. But is gambling the result of lack of progress or the cause of the lack of progress? I fear maybe a little of both perhaps, but I can only do what I can do and be honest with myself, stop wasting my time from now on and see what happens as a result. I just want a job that I can work hard at, which uses my skills and challenges me, and also treats me fairly and rewards me accordingly, is that too much to ask!?!
Maybe the only "company" that can provide that job for me is still the business I have to create myself...
Next week is going to be tough for sure. Its a short week so hopefully I can get through it. The problem is I have some extra cash right now. That should be a good thing, and I want to use it to pay down some debt or something, but the bad thing is it isn't enough to really make a difference or put a dent in anything... Do I give it to one of my friends I owe money to, do I give it to one of my parents, both of whom I owe money to, or do I pay down my CC with it instead, which feels like trying to build a dam with toothpicks...
Overall not sure how I am feeling. All I can really focus on right now is work and my allergies which take over my life right now. I do feel a little bit of withdrawal I think, a little bit of a quick temper, short fuse, depression, edgy and restless. Trying to fill some time with word games on my phone and forget about card games and dice games, but it is tough.
I also just heard an ad on the radio about the slot place which is directly on my drive home. I only went there once because I hate slots, and the one time I did go it just confirmed that I hate slots so its easy to stay away - until now, hearing the ad that said they have video blackjack. I do like blackjack, so it will be even harder to resist that temptation now. If only I hated blackjack, poker, roulette and dice as much as I hate slots?!?
But I do have a lot to be thankful for, it has been a good long wknd, and lots of hard work but I enjoy hard work when I can see the fruits of my labour so a nice home, a nice garden, are very rewarding and make me feel good. I feel like if I could make some progress with my career that maybe I would be able to just never think about gambling again. But is gambling the result of lack of progress or the cause of the lack of progress? I fear maybe a little of both perhaps, but I can only do what I can do and be honest with myself, stop wasting my time from now on and see what happens as a result. I just want a job that I can work hard at, which uses my skills and challenges me, and also treats me fairly and rewards me accordingly, is that too much to ask!?!
Maybe the only "company" that can provide that job for me is still the business I have to create myself...
Replies