One step closer

I have decided that I am going to have the "talk" with the parents fairly soon. However, last time i tried to come out verbally to someone, I lost my nerve VERY quickly. Therefore Ive got a solution I think. I am going to wait until my parents are in a good mood and its just us around and go outside with them (they love the fresh air on our deck). The hardest part is going to be saying those 2 words, "I'm gay". However I've come up with a way to keep the coming out process going. I wrote a letter as a direct followup. I think it explains my situation well, here it is:
"
Mom and Dad,
I know what you’ve just heard is hard to take in. I do not expect everything to be okay, or at least not right now; I know life does not work that way. That’s because you raised me to think rationally. You also raised me to be open minded and welcoming to any and all people looking for acceptance. I hope more than anything in my life that you still believe this. I don’t want to hurt you, I love you too much for that, and if I’ve disappointed you, I hope you can forgive me. To be honest and clear, I am not sorry. I very much like the person that I am. I think I have become someone and something to be proud of. I always credit what I have to a loving home, and the best family there is.
You may be tempted to find what made me this way. Please do not torture yourself with this. Nothing made me this way. I’ve had about as much choice in this as the color of my eyes. Blaming something I have done or experienced, as a source of my sexuality would be confusing Cause with Effect. I have been gay my entire life; since I was in College, since I was in High School, since I was in elementary school, since I took my first steps, since you held me that first day in the hospital… even before that. Trust me, I tried for many years to change, but this is inborn.
If you are feeling scared, or anxious, or confused, or depressed, or angry, that is okay. Feel those things… I did. For nearly ten years they were always swimming in the back of my mind. I wasn’t unhappy though, quite the opposite actually. You taught me to be resilient and resourceful, so I promised myself that even though I might not be able to work out this one aspect of my life, I could still improve on others. So I worked hard on everything I’ve ever done (or rather, overdone). I became a leader, I joined and ran so many organizations, I volunteered with charities and I built up a strong and wonderful group of friends; I refused to let one fear cancel out my existence—It worked.
It wasn’t until my junior year of college, late April actually, that I finally gave up on trying to hide from myself. That was the first time I told myself “I’m gay”. Since then I’ve lost that fear, that anxiety, that confusion, and replaced it with genuine contentment. I could finally love myself fully, and I know not everyone gets that. You yourselves probably noticed some positive changes in me around this time. I lost weight because I stopped reaching for food every time I felt scared or ashamed. I gained confidence in myself because I wasn’t terrified of those around me judging me for just being me. I finally felt I deserved to be loved. I have had a long time to process, but you haven’t. I don’t ask that you accept what I am; I just want you to try and be receptive to it. I am now and will always be your son, and no matter what you decide to do in response to this news, I love you.
When all is said and done, I am still a leader, worker, artist, musician, nerd, friend, brother, son, and occasional pain in the ass. You two still know me better than anyone else on Earth. Being gay is only a part of who I am—it does not define me. I plan on letting others know the real me, those I care about. Let’s be honest though, word travels fast in this town, so I will only take this step at a pace you are comfortable with, as I know it will affect our family, not just me. All I have left to ask is that you please don’t shut down or shut me out. Ask me questions, even if they seem silly, uncomfortable or even ignorant. I’d rather you try to comprehend and I will never turn you away. You have always been the best parents in the world. I love you both so much.
Your son,
"
I've printed 2 copies out and keep them in a small envelope in my wallet so I am prepared for whenever I think the moment is right. I grew up in politics, and the number one rule is to never leave evidence of what you don't want known. Well, I now carry tangible proof I am gay, and I must say it is a good feeling actually.
 
Let's hope they get some use soon!
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I am very impressed with that. You have really worked a lot of thngs through hey.
joe42909
joe42909

Yeah thanks :) I grew up in politics so forethought and strategy are kind of second nature.