One Step at a Time

 
The problem with taking one small step at a time is that it takes forever to get to your destination.  I've been taking small steps forward for quite a while.  Unfortunately I end up taking even bigger steps back. 
Sometimes the way seems so clear, but the obstacles loom ominously and I'm too afraid of to proceed.  I want to hide from the choices required and chances that must be taken.  I haven't done a whole lot of "succeeding" in my life and I'm terrified of failure of any kind.  So I close my internal "eyes" and tell myself that the goal isn't worth the pain and effort.  After all, my life isn't THAT bad. 
Sometimes I know what I need to do, I know what I want to do, I see the possibilities, I'm excited about the goal, but my internal compass is spinning.  I try to get started in too many directions because I don't really know where to begin.  As I evaluate each piece of the puzzle, it seems just as important and necessary as the one I just looked at.  It seems like no matter which piece I decide to tackle first, I'm missing something I need to make it work--like one of the other pieces, which when I try to tackle those are missing yet another.  It's like trying to put together a picture of the sky with no box to refer to and no corner pieces to give you a firm starting point.  Ultimately I've spun my wheels in the sand long enough that I'm buried.  At least then I know the starting point is to "dig" myself out. 
Other times, like now I'm too confused and too mentally tired to move.  I have a zillion things to write down in my journal but I can't organize my thoughts enough to get them into a single file line so that they can all get out.  It's like someone yelled "fire" and everyone is scrambling to get out the only door, trampling each other in the process.  I want to lay down and give up. 
Funny how the analogy for my disorganized brain manages to make it out of all the chaos!