One Step At A Time

 Thank you to all of you for being there for me. My computer was down for a few days, and it has been hard because it was the days that I really needed to chat with you all. Yesterday was Jim's first anniversary mass, also his 54th birthday, Wednesday the 16th is the actual date of his death. So many of my friends and relatives came , it was comforting to know they are there for me. After mass in our garden I had done a butterfly poem and each person was given a box holding a monarch butterfly, We all released them at the same time, It was really special. Had breakfast together, chatted and just kind of hung out. After everyone had left, I had saved one butterfly. I took it over the the cemetary and when I released him he stayed on some roses I had brought Jim for about 10 minutes. It was special to just watch him up close. Somehow, I hope that Jim is really watching and was able to see. I don't know about this road anymore, so many twists and turns I am just having such a hard time trying to figure out who I am and where I am going without Jim. A friend summed it up yesterday, she said when she spoke with her dad after he lost her mom, he said he had lost his EVERYTHING!!!. Having been together since we were in junior high, 15 yrs. old, I know NO other life. He WAS my life. I just go on sometimes day to day, doing this and doing that, putting on a smile.but deep down I tell myself who am I kidding, I am just putting on an act. I am dying inside. I know it is going to take time and I truly appreciate ALL of you for being there. I am thankful for the years we had, I just wanted like all of us MORE!!!!! Love and hugs to all of you, my greatest support system, Alice