One of the hard parts

I have this new guy in my life and we have been talking about getting married and having a family together. I was very hopeful that this would happen but today I started my period, which according to my menstrual calendar is almost a week late and on day 39, which obviously mean that I did not ovulate this month again!! As a result of this I decided to tell my new guy friend about my hormonal disorder (PCOS) and that having this family may be difficult for me or it may not be at all. As a was telling him this I became depressed at the fact of having to tell him that I may not can have his children or deal with the difficulties of trying.   My feelings about PCOS came into play and he noticed it in my voice and facial expression that this was something that worried me and made me upset, and his pleasant voice he told me not to worry that I would not be able to have any babies and just pray about it. That was something I needed to hear because today I was feeling down and angry because my period is irregular again! I hate the fact that I feel like I don’t have control over my fertility and I feel like I should. I know how to turn to medications and surgeries, (having an HSG done in August) and probably spend a huge amount of money for it. I can’t imagine a future like this, my family mom, sister, close friends, do not have fertility problems so they do not understand and thus I do not talk to them about it. I know I should pray and leave it God hands but if God made me, why would he give me this condition in the first place?? If my life was planned out by him before I was created, I think my fertility should have been spared if anything, I personally don’t think I deserved this, no one does. I may sound bitter cause I am, it’s hard when I feel like I can’t decide when I want to have a baby and how…I’m getting older and I fear that time is working against me and I’m starting to really worry as I told my guy friend this as well. I can say I did pray hard to start having my periods on my own and I actually am having them on my own along with the bad PMS and crazy periods, however, I am still confused on how I am even having PMS or a period considering that I don’t ovulate???   I have had PCOS for years, well I have known about it for years and I am still having a hard time being at peace with it.   On the other hand, my guy friend was really supportive about it and was thinking positive but I can’t help but think about what lies ahead for us and our “future family” and I began to cry. Thanks life, thanks for making me feel like nothing, and for me hating my body and making me sad!!!!