One of my worst fears came true
I am writing this from a high level of anxiety so you'll have to forgive me. Tonight as I came back from my friend's party I was in my first accident. It was minor and everyone's fine...physically. Mentally I am not coping well. It wasn't my fault and in no way should I feel bad. I mean he caused it by being careless, but as anyone who knows me knows I already have a high level of anxiety when it comes to driving. I waited until I was 21 to get my license. I had only have it a year. In fact I hit a year on the 11th of this month. Just a few days ago. I know accidents happen to everyone. It was inevitable, I know, but I... don't know. I just keep thinking what if I just stayed home, or let a few minutes later. What really gets me is is that it happened as I was preparing to turn into my apartment complex. I was almost home. I was so close. I was almost there and then out of nowhere I just get hit from behind. I know it is irrational to think this way, but I seriously don't want to get behind the wheel again. I don't want to do it. I want to give up driving. I have always wanted to. I have always just never wanted to drive, but I know I have to. At this point I just don't care if I never go home or miss out of opportunities because I can't drive there. I don't care. I just don't want to get in my vehicle. I don't want to get behind the wheel. I can't do it. I can't go through that. I'll be too scared I'll be too paranoid and that's not safe in itself. Even before this though I only really drove unless there was no other option. Slowly was I beginning to come out of my comfort zone and drive a bit more every month, but now I have this setback. I have an appointment with the school counselor on the 4th, but I am going to see if I can get that pushed up. I think it's best I see one as soon as possible. I am falling apart piece by piece and it's so hard to put the tiny pieces back together again.
Replies
*hugs* I\'m 33 and still don\'t have my drivers license. I have trouble concentrating and I know it will be a disaster to drive. I think it\'s a good idea to move your appointment with your counselor up so you can release some of the anxiety.
Big hugs, Megan! Accidents are scary, I know. I\'ve been in two (one my fault, one not). Unfortunately, no matter how cautious you are, you\'re still at risk due to others who aren\'t as careful. I was (and to a certain extent, still am) an anxious driver, and after my first crash, I didn\'t want to drive again either. At the time, my dad gave me one excellent piece of advice (although I didn\'t think so at the time...LOL). He said that I absolutely had to immediately get behind the wheel of the car and drive. The reason: the longer you wait, the more the anxiety builds to the point it becomes unmanageable. So, I\'d encourage you to at least take small steps toward driving again. You may feel silly, but a starting point can be just getting into the car and turning it on. Then, progress to driving around your apartment\'s parking lot, and work up from there. Be gentle with yourself and go slowly, but make certain to at least sit in your car every day. I\'m glad you\'ll be meeting with your counselor, and hope you can move up your appointment. Hang in there, and know that you\'re not alone in feeling the way you do. Lots of hugs, Judy