One, not Two

When I first started recovery, I had separated "Pre-Addiction" Shelly  from "Compulsive Gambler"  Shelly. PA Shelly was responsible, rational,just a friggin saint! Then she was struck with this addiction that rotted part of her brain, and CG Shelly went off the deep end, feeding her family's life savings into machines.
I was so wrong.
PA Shelly invited the addiction into her life. PA and CG Shelly is the same person. Behaving differently, but the same person. I can't "get back" to the way I was, because the way I was led me to the way I am.