ONE MORE SLEEP!

Feel like a lovesick 16 yr old....my traveller returns tomorrow!  I  can't wait to see him, I have missed his touch, companionship and the things he says that make me laugh...stuff like his fractured english..."It's raining cats and pigs"...."do you think I came down with the last sheep".. Antibiotics are still playing havoc with my insides, but they are working, head is much clearer and my mouth is not sore anymore (yay!). Last couple of days have been sunny and bright, but still very cold.  I seem to feel happier when the days are brighter, love the sunshine, despite Lupus, and find it annoying to cover up all the time.    I don't think I have SAD, because I find night-time, electrical storms and strong winds really invigorating....and after a dry spell I always go and stand in the first rains...love to feel it on my face.  I am a night-owl and a lark...love looking at the sky at midnight, and rise before the sun most days of the week.  Have kept this routine throughout my life, even when a baby, my mother was driven crazy by my wakefulness, didn't cry or fuss ...just wide awake late into the night.  When I  sleep it is very deep but short ....around 5 hours per night.   When my kids were babies, for the first 2 years I kept them in my room to sleep and when they moved into their own rooms left the doors open so If they wanted, they could come and wake me if I was needed.  Even the cat worked out if he wanted out, he'd have to climb on the bed and bat at my face.   Fortunately, I  now have an understanding husband, he did however stop me from baking, painting, doing housework or rummaging around in the wee hours.  We go to bed around 10.00 each night, he sleeps and I turn on my lamp and read. The worst thing for me about the Lupus monster is the fatigue...on those bad flare days, the frustration of my inability to get mind and body into gear is intense..I am wakeful, but unable to do things or be useful.  I have always equated work with worth, and have always expected more of myself than others.  This Lupus life lesson is a hard one...for some time in my early years, when being raised by my Scottish-Presbyterian step-father, the saying "idle hands the devil's work make" was employed with alacrity and a heavy hand...."I got 95% on my English test" was met with a raised eyebrow and "what happened to the other 5%?".      Well, hardly a gripping journal entry....from the light and brighter present to the dark side of memory, but there you go....a glimpse of my life