One Month Again

It's been a month since the last time I cut.  I seem to be in a once a month pattern.  So now i have to try to break it and go two months.  The last week or two have been really rough.  Tempted pretty much every day, lots of dissociation, lots of sleep and little direction of what to do with myself. 
 
I'm seeing my therapist twice a week.  I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my 'parts'.  sometimes one comes forward and I just lay on my bed in the fetal position, feeling the fear and dissociation and waiting for it to pass.  I'm on more meds than ever before.  5 for anti-anxiety or depression.  And I totally can feel it when I miss a dose.  I don't like being so dependent on the things, but they make me feel sane.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I can relate with you ..and the mental issues that go along with our medications. Especially Prednisone. I myself take Zoloft every night before bed..and Xanax during the day from the mental stress of the steroids, methotrexate and IVIG. Don\'t feel bad that you have to take them...I think it is necessary and I\'ve never been one to take meds before.
I\'m also starting to see a therapist one day a week (starting tomorrow) so you are not alone my friend. These medications sometimes are the worst of two evils..as if the disease isn\'t enough!
Try to find things to occupy your mind (not to sound geeky but I do crosswords, research books, etc..) Much love and prayers your way.