one month after

Its been almost a month and for the first time work became unbearable. I find myself jealous and upset with my friends for still having their spouse. I find I want to  blame myself for not bringing Danny to the hospital sooner, or wondering if that would of even changed the outcome. I met my soul-mate. Danny was the most amazing, loving, Kind, generous, and sweet man I ever met. The loss of him is killing me. I have thought about ending it all but I know that is selfish and that time will help with all my pain, but now its just too painful.  I left work today as I broke down and couldn't stop crying.  what do I do?