One day at a time
Today I woke up to my alarm ringing and turned over and felt as though something was missing. My wedding rings. I took them off and put them in my jewelry box. Looking at my finger I felt tears come again. Why? Why? Yesterday I went to work and smiled and joked as though the night before didn't happen. I work withard elderly people so I couldn't come to work with the pain of my marriage falling to shambles. I smiled and felt like crying on the inside. My husband tried to contact me. I don't even know if if I want to call him that. Husband. He looks like the man I've lived with, went through 13 yrs of my life with, but he isn't the man I married. Maybe the man I married and this man are the same man and I was too blind to notice. I've been working more, was that why he looked to others for attention? I'm too scared and tired to ask. So I'll get ready for work today and take this one day at a time. Slowly try to work on myself, our marriage.
Replies
You don't need to ask him about you working the extra hours as a reason, because you are just trying to take some of the blame for something he is fully responsible for. Never think that anything you did was the reason, ever. He is to blame for this 100%.
You're experiencing the death of your marriage, and the death of a person you once held in high regard. It completely changes how you will feel about him going forward. That man who you once thought was your knight in shining armour, is now just an idiot wrapped in tin foil.
It's all about perception, and yours, along with countless other BS's has been damaged beyond repair. In order to reconcile, a new reality has to be formed, because the old one has died, and this is probably what you're feeling. Don't neglect these feelings, because we can't help how we feel, but we can help how we react to our feelings, and it can make a big difference for you going forward. I hope you are looking for a therapist for yourself, to help you untangle the madness of emotions you're living with and experiencing.
He may not know why he did what he did. Most CS's don't seem to, or at least don't have the capability to dig deep down to figure out why they have done what they've done. If he has a selfish nature, or acts entitled, that can play into the reasons why he cheated, as I've found most cheaters are selfish, entitled and opportunistic.