One day at a time

So, I have recently (well long time coming actually) decided that I am done with my situation as it is. I want out. I want out of poverty, I want out of feeling like I am a bad person, I want out of having to constantly handle dissapointsments from my spouse, I want out from having to keep my chin up, smile and act like the world is my oyster while my life actually sucks big time. And as luck would have it, my spouse got a decent contract, he is walking on cloud nine cause he is for time being earning a decent income, and I am left thinking (for the hundreds time) that I shoul stick this through and make it work. 


And the wiser older part of me reminds me that we have been here, SO MANY TIMES, and I know the cycle. It goes well, then he screwes it up, then I have to stand beside beside him. 


I wish I could just stop thinking with my heart, let all the emotions stand aside and judge my situation as if I am an outsider standing on the outside looking in. I guess life isn't that simple. Soooooooo.. what to do, what to doooooo? 


If I was standing outside, looking into my situation what advise would I give myself. : I think I would tell myself to fight one battle at a time, and not fight the complete war at once. So for now this buttercup is going to just calm down, settle her emotions and clear her head. Can't think with all these different scenarios running through my mind.