On vacation for a much needed rest
Today was my second day of a week long vacation. I choose today to take my camera and take pictures that I would like to draw. I drove out in the country here in beautiful Lancaster, home of the Amish. Lancaster County is truly a beautiful county with rolling countryside and farms and many farmshouses and barns. I visited a beautiful place which I have gone to before. There is a mill, a farmhouse, a creek with a waterfall and a beautiful house with a yellow barn all in the same area. Being a Jersey girl, I love that I can now go out into the countryside and see such beautiful sites. I needed for my own mental health to get out of the house. Once again I am being ignored by my mother in law. Who knows what she is mad about now, but I know I have grown as I do not allow her silence to get to me. That is growth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooooooo glad that i no longer take her silence as if I did something wrong. Each time Pat and I go away this is what we get, the silent treatment. It has almost humorous because when asked by mom if she is upset by our going away she says no, no. We know better. When I came home from my traveling today, Pat said, Jeanette we are leaving. He was at that time having a talk with his mother and did not want me to get involved, nor did he want our son to get involved. I was fine with that. I would rather not get into something that I know will be for naught. Mom is a stubborn woman who will not admit she is wrong about anything. Pat told me she thinks I hate her. I am the same woman who 2 weeks ago stayed home instead of going to our camp because I was concerned about her falling and chose to stay with her for those weekends. I remember her telling how much she appreciated my being there with her. I am beginning to think maybe she is depressed. I would be too if I could not go anywhere because of pain. But one thing I do know is she cannot be comforted nor helped if she does not share her feelings with Pat and I and Sean. She will not, for I believe she perceives asking for help as a weakness, or even asking for comfort. Must be hard being so proud. In her time people did not express their hurt, their pain. They just stuffed it and wore the mask, the one that said everything was okay, even tho inside they were dying. At least now I am not sitting here sulking or in fear of her wrath. That is progress. It is quite clear that my family and I are not the problem. Think it goes deeper than our being there. So I will go about my week doing what gives me joy, my art, being with a friend this Friday, and experiecing that creative side of me, which brings me and Little Jeanette a lot of joy.