On the Upside of the roller coaster.
It's been a little while since I've posted. Not much has been going. Been doing alot of thinking and a lot of realizing "WTF" was I thinking.
I finally realized that the only reason John wanted to marry me was to rub it in Pat's face. And that "he (john) won the girl". For those reading, Pat is the father of my first born, conceived when I was 15. I actually had more common sense back then and refused to marry him because of his wild drunken ways. Pat and John were best friends. Had it not been for Pat, I would have never met John. So I blame it all on Pat. LOL LOL By the way, Pat is one of my biggest alias. And plans on going to court with me as witness to the abuse. So Pat - (childhood sweetheart) and John (adulthood - Husband, abuser and heart crusher). Anyway, they use to play this game when they went drinking. Which one could win the girl? Apparently I was apart of that game and never quite knew it or understood it. Since I didn't marry Pat - John still had a chance and UGH!!! guess what? He freakin' won. But what did he really win, 15 years of misery. Apparently he is more into the women who are "whores" - who use sex as a means to get what they want. Who think they are superior. Who do not care how their actions affect others.
So my realization, I was just a "not so appreciated prize".
During my time of mourning the loss of my marriage, I have been fortunate to be able to help some others who are struggling with their decissions to move forward in their lives. A young girl my son brought to me last weekend has been in an abusive relationship and made the decision to leave. However, she stated to me that she is scared of the unknown. I actually surprised myself and responded with. "Turn the fear around. Be excited to take a new adventure. Look at it this way. You have a whole world to explore. What could be more exciting than that?".
My son told me that I need to bottle that phrase and sell it. I only wish that I could. However, I do know that I will wake up every morning and think of that phrase and learn to live by it. Every day is a new and exciting beginning. I choose to embrace my future and allow my past to stay there.
I think I am finally ready to move on and find that someone special. Just wish my divorce was final so that i could do it legally. So until that day, I will continue on my straight and narrow path. All I can say is "World - - - Look out cuz when those papers are signed, there will be no stopping me" WEEEEEEEEEEEE HEE HEE HEE
I finally realized that the only reason John wanted to marry me was to rub it in Pat's face. And that "he (john) won the girl". For those reading, Pat is the father of my first born, conceived when I was 15. I actually had more common sense back then and refused to marry him because of his wild drunken ways. Pat and John were best friends. Had it not been for Pat, I would have never met John. So I blame it all on Pat. LOL LOL By the way, Pat is one of my biggest alias. And plans on going to court with me as witness to the abuse. So Pat - (childhood sweetheart) and John (adulthood - Husband, abuser and heart crusher). Anyway, they use to play this game when they went drinking. Which one could win the girl? Apparently I was apart of that game and never quite knew it or understood it. Since I didn't marry Pat - John still had a chance and UGH!!! guess what? He freakin' won. But what did he really win, 15 years of misery. Apparently he is more into the women who are "whores" - who use sex as a means to get what they want. Who think they are superior. Who do not care how their actions affect others.
So my realization, I was just a "not so appreciated prize".
During my time of mourning the loss of my marriage, I have been fortunate to be able to help some others who are struggling with their decissions to move forward in their lives. A young girl my son brought to me last weekend has been in an abusive relationship and made the decision to leave. However, she stated to me that she is scared of the unknown. I actually surprised myself and responded with. "Turn the fear around. Be excited to take a new adventure. Look at it this way. You have a whole world to explore. What could be more exciting than that?".
My son told me that I need to bottle that phrase and sell it. I only wish that I could. However, I do know that I will wake up every morning and think of that phrase and learn to live by it. Every day is a new and exciting beginning. I choose to embrace my future and allow my past to stay there.
I think I am finally ready to move on and find that someone special. Just wish my divorce was final so that i could do it legally. So until that day, I will continue on my straight and narrow path. All I can say is "World - - - Look out cuz when those papers are signed, there will be no stopping me" WEEEEEEEEEEEE HEE HEE HEE
Replies
You are so amazing to me!! How you are able to go through life and view it in the way that you do is just awesome. I love your status statement and will try to think along these lines as well. You are a real inspiration!
I love this positive entry! It sounds like you are really moving forward towards happy things in your life!