On the right road...
So, this is the second weekend that I have NOT gone to see my significant other. I havent even made contact with him in days. He sent me and I love and miss you comment on FB, and sent one to my daughter, which I am sure he is trying to use to make me feel bad. But I havent responded and I havent heard from him, surprisingly. I am kind of suprised he hasnt contacted me with an ultimatum, or a what are we doing, or a whats going on? I have completely disappeared off of his radar. I havent even checked on him to see if he is ok, because I know if I do, I will be guilted into going back and trying again just because I pity him or feel bad for him.
I have enjoyed this solitude a bit, and yes, I have to agree that its a bit lonely, but I will take the loneliness over the smothering, and the being made to feel bad for not saying I love you enough, not kissing long enough or not being in the mood to have sex and dealing with pouty face all evening. It has been nice to go to my sisters wedding dress shopping today, and not feel bad because I am taking time away from him, or to have the option to hang out with friends with out feeling like I am taking away quality time I must spend with him. It has been a burden lifted of my shoulder, and I feel peaceful. I dont miss him, I dont miss the dynamic of our relationship, and looking back, I dont want to go back to that.
I do wish him well, and hope that he finds what he is looking for.
I do have to say though, I am having a hard time taking it from 'taking space' to making it official. It is done for me, I know I dont want to go back, but I guess I fear that reaction that is going to come from him when it does go final. I need to rip that band aid off, I know. Because in not making it official, he has hope.... false hope. I was really hoping that the way things are right now he would realize it was over and take action, but I see that he is not, I know I am going to have to do it. It was funny, I got on FB last night, and saw that he was drunk going back and forth FB commenting to various friends both male and female on his profile. Usually, I get a little insecure because of our past and his cheating when he gets flirty with females, but it did not phase me one bit, I was actually hoping someone would hit on him and make him feel good. I guess that is another sign that I am really done, that I can see him with someone else, and I dont think it will bother me.
I have enjoyed this solitude a bit, and yes, I have to agree that its a bit lonely, but I will take the loneliness over the smothering, and the being made to feel bad for not saying I love you enough, not kissing long enough or not being in the mood to have sex and dealing with pouty face all evening. It has been nice to go to my sisters wedding dress shopping today, and not feel bad because I am taking time away from him, or to have the option to hang out with friends with out feeling like I am taking away quality time I must spend with him. It has been a burden lifted of my shoulder, and I feel peaceful. I dont miss him, I dont miss the dynamic of our relationship, and looking back, I dont want to go back to that.
I do wish him well, and hope that he finds what he is looking for.
I do have to say though, I am having a hard time taking it from 'taking space' to making it official. It is done for me, I know I dont want to go back, but I guess I fear that reaction that is going to come from him when it does go final. I need to rip that band aid off, I know. Because in not making it official, he has hope.... false hope. I was really hoping that the way things are right now he would realize it was over and take action, but I see that he is not, I know I am going to have to do it. It was funny, I got on FB last night, and saw that he was drunk going back and forth FB commenting to various friends both male and female on his profile. Usually, I get a little insecure because of our past and his cheating when he gets flirty with females, but it did not phase me one bit, I was actually hoping someone would hit on him and make him feel good. I guess that is another sign that I am really done, that I can see him with someone else, and I dont think it will bother me.
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