On the Love Front...
Invited an occasional lady friend to see a movie last night, and she was very tired, but agreed. She's from Saigon, Vietnam. We've had an on-again/off-again thing going here for 8 years. I chose American Reunion, the much-ballyhooed sex comedy from the makers of and starring the cast of the American Pie trilogy. She's fairly progressive, liberal, and enjoyed Wedding Crashers a few years back, laughed at the nudity and casual sex scenes, so thought she might enjoy this. Thought maybe it might re-ignite something in her. I think she was turned off at first, but slowly got into the groove of this vulgar sex comedy.
She did indeed have a few laughs, but I think she was extremely tired, because she had a busy day, and was too polite to turn me down for the date. So, after the movie, we retreated to her car and she drove me to my car on the other side of the parking lot. I kissed her gently on the cheek good night, and she MELTED into it, in typical form, like she was a dying flower in need of a little water! I of course loved this, as I've always loved this about her, so I took it upon myself to gently keep kissing her, massaging the back of her neck and caressing her hair...finally working my lips to her lips. We kissed and made out for a bit, and I found it positively electric, as usual. But it was very late, and she had to get up early this morning, so I let her go.
Maybe I overstepped my boundaries, maybe I was just feeling so dead inside, as I'm sure she is (we're both getting older, approaching 50) and wanted to re-ignite some semblence of a fire, or at least kick the sparkling embers, the ashes, around a bit, but I wanted to make SOMETHING happen with this lovely lady.
Maybe I should fish in a slightly younger pond. Maybe I should look for someone who is a LITTLE bit more available time and energy-wise. She and I have never gone all the way and had sex, although we've had some what I feel absolutely amazing make-out sessions and basically dry-humped with our clothes on a few times. I've then been so excited that I've had to go home, on many an occasion, and "take matters into my own hand", "finish the job myself", so to speak. I don't ever see this progressing where I want it to, full-on skin-to-skin intercourse, albeit condomed, fully unclothed erotic love. I think she's too old and tired. Or maybe she's too conservative, or maybe, just maybe, (but sometimes she coulda fooled me!) doesn't like me that much! Or maybe she just prefers to "compartmentalize" US, keep ME on a leash, but with a little distance, because her life is so difficult and complicated already that she doesn't want to complicate it further by inviting me into her bed, in a town-home where she lives with the rest of her family (ah-hah!), so she prefers to just keep US on a semi-platonic, occasional basis, in which case I I gotta stop kicking this "dead horse", so to speak, this semi-satisfying, semi-platonic, lukewarm relationship, to preserve my sanity, but I feel a really deep connection with her, something really soft, gentle and nice, something that I don't feel, despite some efforts on my part, some talking, with any other woman, because every other woman I've talked with, even if they're not already involved with someone else, also seems too heavily involved in the shuffle of life, and don't know how to deeply relax and enjoy the "finer things", so there's a part of me that wants to keep this going.
This stuff, matters of the heart, IS confusing, but I don't feel the least bit bad about last night, and I don't think she does either. Had to put it down here, sort it out, folks.
She did indeed have a few laughs, but I think she was extremely tired, because she had a busy day, and was too polite to turn me down for the date. So, after the movie, we retreated to her car and she drove me to my car on the other side of the parking lot. I kissed her gently on the cheek good night, and she MELTED into it, in typical form, like she was a dying flower in need of a little water! I of course loved this, as I've always loved this about her, so I took it upon myself to gently keep kissing her, massaging the back of her neck and caressing her hair...finally working my lips to her lips. We kissed and made out for a bit, and I found it positively electric, as usual. But it was very late, and she had to get up early this morning, so I let her go.
Maybe I overstepped my boundaries, maybe I was just feeling so dead inside, as I'm sure she is (we're both getting older, approaching 50) and wanted to re-ignite some semblence of a fire, or at least kick the sparkling embers, the ashes, around a bit, but I wanted to make SOMETHING happen with this lovely lady.
Maybe I should fish in a slightly younger pond. Maybe I should look for someone who is a LITTLE bit more available time and energy-wise. She and I have never gone all the way and had sex, although we've had some what I feel absolutely amazing make-out sessions and basically dry-humped with our clothes on a few times. I've then been so excited that I've had to go home, on many an occasion, and "take matters into my own hand", "finish the job myself", so to speak. I don't ever see this progressing where I want it to, full-on skin-to-skin intercourse, albeit condomed, fully unclothed erotic love. I think she's too old and tired. Or maybe she's too conservative, or maybe, just maybe, (but sometimes she coulda fooled me!) doesn't like me that much! Or maybe she just prefers to "compartmentalize" US, keep ME on a leash, but with a little distance, because her life is so difficult and complicated already that she doesn't want to complicate it further by inviting me into her bed, in a town-home where she lives with the rest of her family (ah-hah!), so she prefers to just keep US on a semi-platonic, occasional basis, in which case I I gotta stop kicking this "dead horse", so to speak, this semi-satisfying, semi-platonic, lukewarm relationship, to preserve my sanity, but I feel a really deep connection with her, something really soft, gentle and nice, something that I don't feel, despite some efforts on my part, some talking, with any other woman, because every other woman I've talked with, even if they're not already involved with someone else, also seems too heavily involved in the shuffle of life, and don't know how to deeply relax and enjoy the "finer things", so there's a part of me that wants to keep this going.
This stuff, matters of the heart, IS confusing, but I don't feel the least bit bad about last night, and I don't think she does either. Had to put it down here, sort it out, folks.
Replies
Sweet evening. Have you ever told her that you want more ? Eight years ? I would want more. It\'s good that you can journal and get this off your chest. Good luck in sorting it out (smiles)
Many times! SHE doesn\'t seem to want more. She likes it the way it is. Thanks though!