On the inside.

 On the inside, I feel as though I am screaming all the time. I am having a hard time trying to get myself into a place where I feel I just don't fit in. I feel very alone and unnoticed. I often am alone. I only deal with my kids and my hubby's health issues. I have no time to go and let off some steam. I just can't bring myself to go out and live a little because of all the thing I have to take care of on my own. I feel as though I am burnt out and I don't think I will ever feel good again,
 It is hard to look in my mirror and see the person I have become. I look old and worn out. I am super hard on myself and expect everything to fall into place. I can't seem to like myself any longer.
 Often hate getting out of bed in the morning and have a hard time going to sleep at night. I wake up and am in motion all day long and well into the night. I drop into bed and wake with a thousand things on my mind, I know I need to slow down and shut my mind off but I find it hard to do so. I have tried meditation and exercise. I have tried taking walks and going to a friends house but it had failed me. I no longer enjoy taking long hot bubble bath with a book or sex.
 I can no longer go to a clinic or anywhere without having bad panic attacks the thought to even reach out for help scares me. I need some help.
 So here I sit screaming inside and no one hears my pain.