on no not again
i seem to have lost my first journal entry here, it was just a general description of my life with an addict husband. really my story is no different than anyone else's here. the endless broken promises, the frustrations, the fears, the lying and the manipulations. sounds terrible, mostly feels terrible and is terrible. my story complicated by a very soon to occur 4th back surgery in 2 years. ouch! but the amount of pills consumed is dangerous.
this current addiction directly followed alcohol addiction, and although he stopped drinking he just traded one addiction for another.
whoa i have had enough, but in my quieter, stronger moments i realize how this experience has provided me with the opportunity to grow. i have learned how to say NO! i am learning to give up guilt, i am learning that i am strong and intuitive and not a total bitch. my husband has every right to choose this as his life, but he cannot choose for me. and guess what? i kind of like myself this way.
this has been and contines to be a long, hard struggle, often seeming to be at a snail's pace, but with God's help i am doing it.
this current addiction directly followed alcohol addiction, and although he stopped drinking he just traded one addiction for another.
whoa i have had enough, but in my quieter, stronger moments i realize how this experience has provided me with the opportunity to grow. i have learned how to say NO! i am learning to give up guilt, i am learning that i am strong and intuitive and not a total bitch. my husband has every right to choose this as his life, but he cannot choose for me. and guess what? i kind of like myself this way.
this has been and contines to be a long, hard struggle, often seeming to be at a snail's pace, but with God's help i am doing it.
Replies
It sounds like you are learning some good things. It\'s hard. I don\'t know if your husband is the same as my wife, but part of her addiction is calling me names to intimidate me into not asking questions. You are probably made to feel like a bitch when you question his behavior, but it\'s probably a tool he uses to get you under control. I get called controlling for asking about money or why my spouse is gone, etc. It let her get drugs for a long time before I finally stood up and asked enough questions to uncover the addiction to oxy...
hi bhamguy, for too many years my husband called me names, blamed me for everything criticized my every move and threw crazy anger at me with each confrontation. Finally i learned that it was all impotent smoke meant to throw me off balance. i learned not to back down. he recently told me he liked me better before i became so \"verbal\" lol. i have given him one year to straighten himself out (ex, date 12/11) in the meantime i am developing my own healthier life. but i find that grief is grief and preparing to leave a marriage of 30 years because my faith and hope are used up still hurts.
That\'s tough. I had the same advice (set boundaries, write them down, stick to them). I am very scared my spouse is going to fail drug test #2 and get kicked out of their 90 day program. I have been married 2 years and am struggling with whether she just became an addict this year or whether there\'s a whole history I don\'t know. I really don\'t want to spend my life worrying I am going to have my stuff pawned, my bank account cleaned out, etc., but I do love the person I married so this is going to be tough.
i so hear you, i think i have stuck around for so long because my husband really does love me (as best he knows how) and i occasionally catch a glimpse of the good man behind the addiction. however, i feel like this situation reaches down into the depths of MY soul to find all the negativity (evil), i work very hard on overcoming, and bringing it to the surface. Then i throw it all at him.this tells me it is a toxic relationship.
He is going in for another back surgery next week, which has given him access to pills from several different doctors, ugh, i can\'t stand that glassy eyed stare and the feeling sooo sorry for himself(mean of me huh?)
any way, this morning i told him he has the right to choose any life for himself that he wants, but he cannot choose for me. response=blank stare.
oh what a rant this is turning into,sorry. but there is a good life for me outside of the 4 walls of my marriage and i go there whenever possible
I understand. It\'s scary - I have wished my spouse would have back surgery in the hopes that it would reduce the pain level and make her less likely to continue the addiction, but it is scary to think that just opens up more avenues to pain meds from doctors.