On My Way to my Mom's
I'm on the train right now, waiting to go see my mom. I'm excited, and glad since I haven't seen her since her stroke. I'm the only one of the kids that can get up to see her, so I'm glad that at least one of us can come see her. I'm missing work for it, but since I'm not getting paid it's not that big of a thing. I called my boss last night and told her the situation, and she was understanding. I hate springing it on her so last minute, but it's better than just not showing up to work (but not by much). I hope this doesn't affect their decision to hire me... I know I'm being tested to see if I'm someone they want working there. But they know my mom recently had a stroke, so I hope that goes in my favor. I wanted to go up there to see her for Christmas, but I don't think I can afford it. Even if I could afford it, I would only be able to spend a couple days with her. I know it would mean the world to her, but still, I can't afford it. I have to save up for my trip to LA in January.
I know it seems bad, but if I had to choose between visiting my family in LA in January and my mom for Christmas, I choose my family in LA. I can see my mom almost any time I want, and so that's not a big deal. I know Christmas is a big deal, especially for her, but I have to take care of myself. I know I get really homesick at that time, so I have to take care of that. I don't want to take time off of work to go to my mom's just to get rebound homesickness once I get back and have to take more time off of work. When I get homesick, I get it bad. I get really depressed, and I introvert. I can't get out of bed, kinda like I was when I was depressed last month.
But hey, this month seems like it's doing better... I think I could live with one good month, one bad month going back and forth. At least it's not bad all the time. I don't know how it's going to work once winter comes... it seems that my whole pattern has been thrown out of whack. Today I'm having trouble thinking... I don't know why. My mind seems foggy. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep too well last night, but normally I don't get like this. It's taking me forever to write this journal, and I'm making a ton of typos that I have to correct. It's like I'm in a fog.
Goals for this week: Try and eat as good as I can while on vacation. I want to lose weight again while on vacation. Drink 8 cups of water a day (I only drank 6 yesterday), and go for a walk on my cardio days (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). I went for my walk today, to the bus and to the train. Emotional goals for the week: When I get my TOM, don't let it play me around... be in control of it and don't let it get me down. My brother is paying good money for me to go and cheer up my mom and get her out of boredom, I have to do the best I can to be happy, perky, and still me. If I wasn't feeling up to doing that, I wouldn't have agreed to go up to see my mom. I did make the decision in haste, but I hope it wasn't too hasty of a decision.
Maybe all the time Geo was asking me what was wrong was me worrying about my mom. She still isn't ready to go back to work, and she doesn't sound that good over the phone. I know she's not going to sound perfect, she just had a stroke, but I do wish her the best. Thanks for all of you here on DS for keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. I don't pray, but I appreciate the prayers of those who do. I hope I can be there for my mom when she gets her test results, and that I can help her understand the good news. It's going to be good news, it has to be. She's doing a lot better already, so it couldn't have been anything serious. I just hope that she can quit smoking and get over that hurdle to her health and show some improvement.
Food today has been okay... lots of carbohydrates for energy. I had pasta with chicken for breakfast, and rice and beans for the rest of the day. I've been eating from the same container of rice and beans I made last night all day. It's a lot of rice and beans, but I know unless I get something calorie laden for dinner I'm not going to meet my calories today. Oh well, I have plenty of more days while on vacation to be in my calorie range. I know I'm going to make it in my calorie range while on vacation, it's keeping up with the exercise that's going to be my problem. Even the cardio isn't that big of a deal, it's the strength training. Oh well, we will see what I can do!
I know it seems bad, but if I had to choose between visiting my family in LA in January and my mom for Christmas, I choose my family in LA. I can see my mom almost any time I want, and so that's not a big deal. I know Christmas is a big deal, especially for her, but I have to take care of myself. I know I get really homesick at that time, so I have to take care of that. I don't want to take time off of work to go to my mom's just to get rebound homesickness once I get back and have to take more time off of work. When I get homesick, I get it bad. I get really depressed, and I introvert. I can't get out of bed, kinda like I was when I was depressed last month.
But hey, this month seems like it's doing better... I think I could live with one good month, one bad month going back and forth. At least it's not bad all the time. I don't know how it's going to work once winter comes... it seems that my whole pattern has been thrown out of whack. Today I'm having trouble thinking... I don't know why. My mind seems foggy. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep too well last night, but normally I don't get like this. It's taking me forever to write this journal, and I'm making a ton of typos that I have to correct. It's like I'm in a fog.
Goals for this week: Try and eat as good as I can while on vacation. I want to lose weight again while on vacation. Drink 8 cups of water a day (I only drank 6 yesterday), and go for a walk on my cardio days (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). I went for my walk today, to the bus and to the train. Emotional goals for the week: When I get my TOM, don't let it play me around... be in control of it and don't let it get me down. My brother is paying good money for me to go and cheer up my mom and get her out of boredom, I have to do the best I can to be happy, perky, and still me. If I wasn't feeling up to doing that, I wouldn't have agreed to go up to see my mom. I did make the decision in haste, but I hope it wasn't too hasty of a decision.
Maybe all the time Geo was asking me what was wrong was me worrying about my mom. She still isn't ready to go back to work, and she doesn't sound that good over the phone. I know she's not going to sound perfect, she just had a stroke, but I do wish her the best. Thanks for all of you here on DS for keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. I don't pray, but I appreciate the prayers of those who do. I hope I can be there for my mom when she gets her test results, and that I can help her understand the good news. It's going to be good news, it has to be. She's doing a lot better already, so it couldn't have been anything serious. I just hope that she can quit smoking and get over that hurdle to her health and show some improvement.
Food today has been okay... lots of carbohydrates for energy. I had pasta with chicken for breakfast, and rice and beans for the rest of the day. I've been eating from the same container of rice and beans I made last night all day. It's a lot of rice and beans, but I know unless I get something calorie laden for dinner I'm not going to meet my calories today. Oh well, I have plenty of more days while on vacation to be in my calorie range. I know I'm going to make it in my calorie range while on vacation, it's keeping up with the exercise that's going to be my problem. Even the cardio isn't that big of a deal, it's the strength training. Oh well, we will see what I can do!
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