On my way back up, I hope

It’s been kind of a rough week. It seems like I have been on cruise control lately, and have been able to cope. However, in the back of my mind I knew a grief wave could hit at any time. This week, it did hit. I think a major contributor to this latest wave was me becoming ill. I could feel it coming on last Tuesday, and I felt the worst on Wednesday night. I didn’t even go into work yesterday. This was the first day I called in sick in I don’t know how long. I’ve been fortunate in that I don’t get ill very often. This was nothing serious, but I just felt bad enough that I wanted to take a day off. So far, to me, grief feels a lot like being sick. When I was feeling bad, I think it allowed a lot of emotions to pour out. I think this time of the year had something to do with it as well. Today is Mason’s birthday, and Melissa’s is on Monday. My birthday is in a couple of weeks. I guess I’ve been dreading this month for some time. I could even tell I was feeling it last night in the weekly support group meeting. Everyone seemed to be in a real melancholy mood, and I was reduced to tears a few times. That had not happened to me for a couple of months. I was feeling better this morning, and went in to work. I’ve really tried to keep a positive attitude during these past few days. I’ve tried to not get stressed out at work (which has been difficult at times), and have repeatedly told myself that I can do what I can only do. I don’t feel as sick today, so I think that I’m on the upswing again. Knowing that the weekend has started seems to help, too! There is a saying that goes “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.” This DS group must be filled with a ton of VERY strong people. I get a lot of inspiration and support from all of you, and for that I’m thankful.

Replies

wannabebeachbum
wannabebeachbum

Tim-

I\'ve had a similar kind of week and I agree that occasions like birthdays seem to make it harder. A grief wave hit me tonight when I was in Sam\'s Club picking up some stuff for the soccer concession stand tomorrow. They\'ve started displaying things as Christmas gifts and I immediately saw up couple things I knew Jeff would love.....then it hit me that I didn\'t get to grab those \"great finds\" for him anymore. Then I got both sad and angry that other people could plan for holiday surprises with their spouses, but not me. I had a little pity party, but, like you, I think I\'m heading back up again. You know there is another saying from one of my favorite websites--Demotivators--that says \"that which does not kill me only prolongs the inevitable\"---I know, pretty cynical, but knowing you, I thought you\'d find the humor in it---at least I hope so. I hope Mason had a nice birthday and that Melissa\'s birthday can bring you some happy memories to balance out the sadness that is very normal. Here\'s hoping you have a weekend that provides some rest and renewal. CJ
TimLovesMelissa
TimLovesMelissa

Thanks CJ! I\'m feeling better today, so of course that means it\'s time to mow (sarcastic monotone \"yea\"). I do see the humor in that saying, it is right in my wheelhouse! I hope you are having a great weekend. I think Auburn may have its hands full today (ha ha). Enjoy the weather at the soccer matches! Tim
deleted_user
deleted_user

Glad you\'re feeling better Tim. I know when we used to get sick we all had the best care in the world from our other half....I miss that so much.
I hope the rest of the month goes better for you......John