On Loss
God prepared me well in advance of my loss. He told me a change was coming and gave me the signs that would occur before the change. Now it's here. Fourteen months ago I would have defined myself as a wife, daughter grandmother, and bird and dog mama to two beautiful creatures. Now I'm no longer a wife and the grandmother definition is slipping away as the relationship is not a biological one. Also, both the bird and dog passed on. So, now, there's just me and the only title I still hold is daughter.
My previous post dealt with how I'm dealing with the change, so I won't go into that again, but frankly, it seems my life is moving in the direction of self. Before it was about how to keep the ones in my life happy, but now, just me and my father. Now, I wake up and decide what I'm going to do for the day. What I'm going to buy at the grocery store. What I'm going to do about my career.
It's a strange feeling going from us to I, but I've got to deal with it.
As for the grandchildren. I've considered what would happen if my husband passed long before he actually transitioned. It's a hard fact, but no matter how much we love our stepkids and grandkids, you just don't know how they would react if the glue that was holding us together is suddenly not there. It's been some time since she actually called me, so I'm bracing myself for the possibility that that's it. I'll not try to hang on to something that is not to be.
So now for my future. There's just me to consider. When I retire, I think I'll head out of the country and live very well on a small amount of money. I read an article recently that listed countries that many expatriates are living in. For the average US social security check of 1200 dollars, a person could live in some countries with servants and a large apartment. Some even have chauffers to drive them around. Well, this may not be as good as my intended life, it will have to do. Besides, it was always a dream of mine to live in another country.
My previous post dealt with how I'm dealing with the change, so I won't go into that again, but frankly, it seems my life is moving in the direction of self. Before it was about how to keep the ones in my life happy, but now, just me and my father. Now, I wake up and decide what I'm going to do for the day. What I'm going to buy at the grocery store. What I'm going to do about my career.
It's a strange feeling going from us to I, but I've got to deal with it.
As for the grandchildren. I've considered what would happen if my husband passed long before he actually transitioned. It's a hard fact, but no matter how much we love our stepkids and grandkids, you just don't know how they would react if the glue that was holding us together is suddenly not there. It's been some time since she actually called me, so I'm bracing myself for the possibility that that's it. I'll not try to hang on to something that is not to be.
So now for my future. There's just me to consider. When I retire, I think I'll head out of the country and live very well on a small amount of money. I read an article recently that listed countries that many expatriates are living in. For the average US social security check of 1200 dollars, a person could live in some countries with servants and a large apartment. Some even have chauffers to drive them around. Well, this may not be as good as my intended life, it will have to do. Besides, it was always a dream of mine to live in another country.
Replies