On His Terms - Always!
Max always did things on his own terms resulting in many good, and sometimes not so good, outcomes. He continues to teach me so many things and I am so lucky to have this connection with him. Here's an example:
I was at our beach house feeling sad and I stated out loud to myself: "I want a sign that Max is OK." Then I went outside to look up at the beautiful stars for what I was sure would be a shooting star (if not a comet!!) And I waited, and waited. Oh, such are my expectations sometimes - and on my own time frame of course! So I sat and looked and sent silent messages up to Max that now would be a good time for him to send me a dazzling star burst. Nothing. I sat longer and kept wishing. Nothing. How many times have I told myself that one can't just wish for signs on demand? I know better, yet there I sat. And then, the tears came because I just knew Max wasn't listening and I needed him right then. Still I sat, and then started asking other loved ones to send me the sign I needed right then. If Max was otherwise engaged, then someone else could fill my need. Still nothing. Imagine, the sense of control I believed I had! I sat for a while longer then went to bed.
Next day, my self-absorption with needing an immediate sign from my son and the night sky working collaboratively (LOL) forgotten for the moment, I scheduled an appointment with an antiques dealer to whom I was showing several items for possible sale. I was still at our beach house which is in another state from our primary house. I had never met this man before - he had been recommended to my by a friend. Making idle chit chat I asked him whether he had ever done business in the town of Wayne (my home town). He said yes...that he had last been to Wayne a little over two years ago. He remembered it well because "the streets were blocked because of a terrible accident with a young man on his bicycle. The local boy, who had just finished his freshman year at college, died in this accident and that it was such a devastating thing." I saw a look of despair come over my friend's face as she realized this man was talking about Max's accident. It could have been no other person.
Yet, miraculously, I felt a sense of wonder. No sadness. I knew - without any doubt - that this was no coincidence. This man I had not ever met and will most likely never see again, had delivered a message to me sent directly from my son: "Mom - I am ok and will continue to do things my way and in my own time frame." Look at the stars whenever you want, just don't try and control them!
I was at our beach house feeling sad and I stated out loud to myself: "I want a sign that Max is OK." Then I went outside to look up at the beautiful stars for what I was sure would be a shooting star (if not a comet!!) And I waited, and waited. Oh, such are my expectations sometimes - and on my own time frame of course! So I sat and looked and sent silent messages up to Max that now would be a good time for him to send me a dazzling star burst. Nothing. I sat longer and kept wishing. Nothing. How many times have I told myself that one can't just wish for signs on demand? I know better, yet there I sat. And then, the tears came because I just knew Max wasn't listening and I needed him right then. Still I sat, and then started asking other loved ones to send me the sign I needed right then. If Max was otherwise engaged, then someone else could fill my need. Still nothing. Imagine, the sense of control I believed I had! I sat for a while longer then went to bed.
Next day, my self-absorption with needing an immediate sign from my son and the night sky working collaboratively (LOL) forgotten for the moment, I scheduled an appointment with an antiques dealer to whom I was showing several items for possible sale. I was still at our beach house which is in another state from our primary house. I had never met this man before - he had been recommended to my by a friend. Making idle chit chat I asked him whether he had ever done business in the town of Wayne (my home town). He said yes...that he had last been to Wayne a little over two years ago. He remembered it well because "the streets were blocked because of a terrible accident with a young man on his bicycle. The local boy, who had just finished his freshman year at college, died in this accident and that it was such a devastating thing." I saw a look of despair come over my friend's face as she realized this man was talking about Max's accident. It could have been no other person.
Yet, miraculously, I felt a sense of wonder. No sadness. I knew - without any doubt - that this was no coincidence. This man I had not ever met and will most likely never see again, had delivered a message to me sent directly from my son: "Mom - I am ok and will continue to do things my way and in my own time frame." Look at the stars whenever you want, just don't try and control them!
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