On being alone
I've learned something about myself: I hate being alone, especially on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. This epiphany happened because yesterday at work, there were no customers. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this could lead to the dreaded pink slip. So, I thought about what would happen to me if I lost my job. Fear overtook me, but looking back, I was surprised that finances were the second thing I feared. The first, being alone.
You see, I work in retail which means weekend work. Not every Sunday, but every other Sunday. And some requested Sundays. I work most Fridays and every Saturday. I've come to rely on the comfort my coworkers provide--non-stop talk, a place to socialize. So if I lost my job, I'd lose that. I'd end up sitting at home by myself. A terrible thought.
When DH was here, it wasn't much different. He worked all the time, and I shopped all the time. I was rarely home. Now, I know why. Being out, meant not being alone. So now to fix it. I believe in confronting my fears: I have a fear of flying so I travel out of the country. I had a fear of dogs, so I bought one. So today, I'm staying home. I'm not going to run to work, or to my father. I'm staying home which means no shopping, no television, no anything that will take me out of here. I'm midway through the day now, and I've discovered something else about myself: all my debt is due to this problem.
What a shock. The money I could have saved had I known this sooner.
You see, I work in retail which means weekend work. Not every Sunday, but every other Sunday. And some requested Sundays. I work most Fridays and every Saturday. I've come to rely on the comfort my coworkers provide--non-stop talk, a place to socialize. So if I lost my job, I'd lose that. I'd end up sitting at home by myself. A terrible thought.
When DH was here, it wasn't much different. He worked all the time, and I shopped all the time. I was rarely home. Now, I know why. Being out, meant not being alone. So now to fix it. I believe in confronting my fears: I have a fear of flying so I travel out of the country. I had a fear of dogs, so I bought one. So today, I'm staying home. I'm not going to run to work, or to my father. I'm staying home which means no shopping, no television, no anything that will take me out of here. I'm midway through the day now, and I've discovered something else about myself: all my debt is due to this problem.
What a shock. The money I could have saved had I known this sooner.
Replies
understand completely....the being alone/lonely is terrible. I miss hearing my bigbear tell me how beautiful I am, how much he loves me, all the little things that I don\'t get to hear as no one is here to say them to me...I know I\'m even more careful than what I was with my money, hate owing anyone money. This started years ago with second husband but 4 years ago when bigbear was diagnosed with prostate cancer just planning ahead getting bills paid off...but having our daughter, son in law and 2 grandsons living with us it took all our money ( they couldn\'t help as they got in over their heads with credit cards) to pay the mortgage, utilities, taxes, house insurance, our car insurance so... no money left to save for a rainy day. But at least no credit card bills for me, plus gave up a lot of my crafts/hobby\'s I did so I\'ve saved a lot of money there. Now just to do something for being lonely.....
I understand. What you must realize is that \"alone\" is not as much the problem as being without DH. You are strong to confront your fears. Hang in there.
I don\'t like being alone, but oddly I like solitude. Sometimes, I want to come home to a quiet house, not have to talk to anyone. I never felt that way when Dan was alive. We were together almost 24/7 and I never longed for solitude. He was one who always had to be on the go, out in public, doing something. A dream day for me is to curl up on the couch with a good book and read the hours away. I am sure too many days of that would drive me bats. I guess I have just the right balance of working with the public, entertaining kids and grandkids, and quiet evenings at home alone.
Hope you found something contenting to do today. The economy is worrisome no doubt. IT is starting to outsource at the company where i work ... not sure where thats going, but its hard to stay in denial. Congratulations on the epiphany. I like to stay open to those.
Good for you! Facing fear is BIG! Remember the acroynim(?) I saw some time ago for fear...False Evidence Appearing Real...usually the thing we fear is like a hollagram. Realized that I was just going out to store...whether food or otherwise to just be out of the house and around others. Hope that business increases for your store so that you have your job to help you.
There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. A person can feel terribly lonely in the middle of a crowd, or with an uncommunicative spouse.
Personally I enjoy being alone. I loved being married, but I did enjoy my alone time when hubby would go away for a weekend of hunting with the guys, etc.
Sometimes I do get lonely, but fortunately it is not very often.