OMG Help me understand this man!!

I knew I was asking foir trouble but none the less I did it anyway! Tony and I had made a reservation at a wonderful resort on the river before we "broke up" over his lying about seeing his ex!  He called last week and asked what I wanted to do about it.  Like the idiot that I am I decided to go.  Last year we had gone to celebrate my final divorce and we had declared that WE would havew a great life and future together!  It was magical!!  I don't know if he was lying then or not.  I really can't get a straight answer to anything.  Nothing about US makes sense! Anyway we decided we would not talk about the past or the future just enjoy the present!  God knows I would walk over hot coals to be with him so off I went!  It was go or sit home all night and cry wishing I had gone.  Every time (and I mean every time) we are together we enjoy eachother totally.  Not just tALKING SEX. we were born 15 mikes from each other.  Grew up in very similar families.  Dated in high school, etc...  We have the same interests, morals, etc... When we first got there we got settled and I fixed us a snack of fruits, meats, cheeses crackers and wine.  We turned on the fire place (even though we are in Fla and it is summer). Opened the drapes to see the river and kicked back.  We were BOTH in heaven!!  He said now this is the life!  I said yes it is.  I pointed out life is ALWAYS like this when we are together he agreed and even compared us to a married couple we both love who are in their 50s, retired, best friends that travel together and love life!  He said"we would be just like Fred and Debbie only better!, We would have more money and better sex,LOL".  I said then wh y do you not let it happen.  He said I don't know, I can't explain it.  He went down the list of all that is right about me and how I deserve someone better than him.  WTF!?!? He said that he hates to hurt me and he knows he falls short and can't stand to see the pain in my eyes!  I said stop hurting me then!!  He said it isn't that simple, why not I asked.  He had no explination! He said it is easier to be with people he doesn't care about because he can treat them anyway he wants.  I told him that was being a coward and selling himself short.  He said it was selfish but after 48 years of women doing him worng and being a batchlor, that is who he is and he is not sure he can change.  I want to hurt the man!!!  He said he didn't know what the future would bring but I should move forward because I deserved someone better than him!  I know I do but why can't I give up on him?  I know who he could be!  I asked him if he wanted to hear my theory on what the problem was.  He listened!  I said first he was scared to let me get too close I could hurt him like the "others". He agreed, then I dropped the bomb and said he loved his "drug" Xanax more than me or even himslef and a life with me would threaten that!  For the first time he admitted he was addicted still trying to explain that the doc gives it to him and that he needs it and how no one else knows.  I said not true!!  Every one that knows Tony likes him but thinks he is "strange".  I know it is the drug.  He seemed shocked to hear that people noticed!!  I said addicts always think they are pulling it off! I told him he was letting this drug steal his life away from him and I would pray for him.  Later he told me he would talk to his doctor about finding an alternatiive (I can only pray) he tells me what I want to hear sometimes.  Anyway our evening was wonderful but I felt like he was teling me goodbye all night, so my heart was in my throat!  Still is!  We left this morning with a kiss and love you's but I know he thinks I'm gone and I'm not sure he is not relieved. I wish I was gone but, here I sit crying again over someone who tells me himself he is not worthy!!  WHy WHy WHy.  I pray that God sends me a man to help me move on from him but it will have to be someone very special to make me give up on someone who I believe has given up on himself! Where is the "love off switch", someone please help me find it!!  I still hope that "one day in the future he will wake up and want to be worthy of me".  My brain says "Good luck with that!" but my heart still believes in the ass! I know who he could be!!  I want to find the doctor that started this and kick him hard!!! Pray for me and "My Tony Honey" please we both need it!!