Old Fat Men.....

Some times... when I'm chuggin along on my three wheeler...the air in my face helps me forget how alone I am out there on the trail...Huffin and puffin up a slight grade...sure puts a workout on my old big hinny... (nope it don't seem no smaller)  after all the wear and tear... I gotta admitt tho my pants and shorts fitt a tad bit looser... Yeah... that's so nice...I get so jealous when these kids whizz rat by me..  like I'm backin up....so young so full of energy.....THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR....spent all my youth and energy...slavin 12 14 hours a day.. payin bills... and over draft charges...LOL... ex said if there's checks in the check book .... there's money in the bank.....DANGIT.. THAT'S SOMEBODIES ELSES MONEY .....HONEY....!Oh welll...kinda like runnin with the Crowd... ifins ya fall behind cause ya leggs cramp up... Well ya just all alone... yepp.....Shrink says it patterns of behavior...tend to keep findin the same kind of friends over and over.. me I think its about clout... Long as I had Money... I had Friends... as long as I had the ability to work and earn a gainful income... I had friends....then Poof..... like some kinda ..spell dried it allup   at once.. and the wind blew it away... right along with all those so called friends....So when I look in the Mirror... and the fellow I see... he reminds me of what one of my Uncles...who became ill... put on lots of wieght... he caught it from everyone... soon he quit coming to the Christmas gatherings.. didn't see him at the Family reunion ... just kinda faded off into the Texas sunset I reckon...but the one thing he told me before he quit comin around was..NO BODY WANTS FAT OLD MEN....i can still recall the snickers and snide remarks other family members made about him ....and ya know i wasn't talkin bad about him....but hey I kept hangin with the pretty people ... I find myself torn with this new World idea that skinny is better...and the word Obesity.. that  sounds like some kind of Curse...Fat dont' seem to be so personally attacking... as Obesity...... I see my reflections as I ride by these store fronts...man what a big ass ya got there Russ.. kinda looks like Humpty Dumpty..riding a bike...got 35 pounds of air in them tires and it stills feel like I'm peddlein a flat tire... the reall funny part.. is them bites I get on Plenty of Fish... when I catch one.. they toss me back lol... dang  tuff crowd.... I mean what gives.. some these Ladies they aint any better off ... and for Pete's sake that hinny is just as wide as mine.. so what's up with this.... oh forget this .. aint even goin there..All I know is most my life i weighted in at 170 pounds drippin wet with sweat and foam on top...then four years ago.. I blew up like Puffy the Marshmellow man... I'm so dang tired of  being a Lonely Fat Old man.... but ya know what..I was a lonely skinny old fart too... yepp... maybe I aint easy on the eyes... I know I can't even pay attention....I just Feel like I don't belong any where any more..... just exist to take care of my son...who at times seems to be going backwards.....My oldest daughter she don't come around because she likes to hang out with Beautiful people... she's ashamed of her dad... hehehehe... hope I can do 20 more years just to see if she looks like a center fold at fifty lol.. nawe I aint gonna tell her I told ya so...Life has a way of doin that all by it's self...sides she got a lot on her plate anyway..  all  I can do is just love her and hope she finds that happy place in Life...if ya look around... We kinda rule... Old Fat Men that is... awful lot of us out there.. and the lucky ones... well they aint Alone....I'll be hittin the big 60 soon...I've lived a good life.. with Many Blessing... I feel good about Myself....No regrets...Just a tad bit Lonely at times...confuse...lifes Changing...I'm Changing....It's Wild at times...Heat Flashes... Cold Flashes... wierd aches and pains in places aint suppose to be achin ya know... Gosh.. Mom  never told me about any this chit... I'm outta here... got sun shine waistin outside.. Later ....Russ

Replies

sunshine521
sunshine521

Hello there my friend...so good to see you out and about soaking in the sunshine...this journal was up and down...wish you weren\'t so hard on yourself though. I don\'t agree with some of the things you feel and I hope you start feeling better about some of them one day. Was hoping you getting out and about would start making you feel better and lift your spirits. Then again i guess we all have them days. I see it as their loss because it is what is on the inside that matters and I think you are a wonderful, caring person and you have always been a wonderful friend to me and I appreciate that and you!!! I hope each day you feel better about yourself!!! Thank you for the hug and comments and the smile 8) and also for looking for me online..I finally downloaded yahoo on my new laptop and I believe I have you on it as well so I will have to see if I can catch up with you one day as well. I have come to find out mommas never told us about a lot of chit lol....Keep that chin up and keep on keepin on...take care of yourself....hugs my friend
russ54
russ54

Hey.. it was rainin... cool achey weather... fibro flares... chronic pain in high gear...Yepp i tend to get ruff on myself...that\'s the PTSD... I guess.. mostly I\'m happy... just fall down a lot... (mentally...don\'t bounce well) russ