Old Age and
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?''98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?' Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' I guess I'm morbid... I really liked this one... LOL I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. Hee Hee Hee I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First , she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week' My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. Hey I'm working on this one... These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.' THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. This one reminded me of one time I ran into this person I'd had a really ugly argument with years before... but all I could remember when she says hi in a friendly tone of voice is that her face was vaguely familiar... and then it came to me... and yall... I was still mad at this this yeah one of those b words... grrrrrrr but I had to be polite... I swear I know a look of disgust must have shone on my face when I remembered who she was... I wish I'd been a bit older... I think I'd have pretended I had dementia and squatted and peed on her shoe... Oh yes I confess I'm crazy... LMAO Always Remember This: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing! ! ! ! ! 'Some people are like Slinkies ... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.' Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm Oh Yeah... I like this one.... Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. I'm going to adopt this as my mantra... AWESOME!!! If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.' I can't promise what you will believe when its all said and done... but I do believe it has been worth it... as Garth Brook says... "I could have missed the pain... but I'd have had to miss... the dance.... The dance is those moments when I've felt love and tenderness and joy that words won't ever cover...
Replies
I like the one,,,, some people are like slinkies....
I love them, thanks for the smile. luv and hugs-Lauri
funny stuff, thank you! love you!
thank you, thank you for these...I needed a good laugh!!!... and got several of them!!! :)