Okay So Now I'm anxious
So I don't remember if I wrote about Saturday night. Well, I didn't get to sleep until one AM. I thought that was strange. I had nightmares all night. I woke up three times in a cold sweat.
Sunday morning I noticed that I had not taken my meds like I thought I had. I went to church. No problem. I had a pretty good day. No big deal. Anyway, my husband and I talked a little. We talk all the time. But this was a little different.
I said something about something (trivial) that got on my nerves. He said, "Everyting gets on your nerves now."
Well, maybe I thought, it might be because I missed my meds. Yes, even missing one dose can mess with my perceptions of reality. I asked him about that and he said that I had been this way for awhile.
Well, poop! How can I know what's going on when I am still too high on my new meds? How can I know if this is the real me?
Oh, and I finally looked up Bordreline Personality Disorder. Damn that's scary! I was diagnosed with it in 1990; but I was always more concerned about my seizures and the stroke thing.
What if I became violent? What if I hurt someone I love? Yeah, and then I watched a program about a woman that had BPD and she cut up and ate her husband. Okay eeewwww! What if I'm bitchy for the rest of my life? What if my huaband decides he can't live with me any more?
Grrrrr! I know I'm doing this to myself. I asked him about it last night. He said that he knew I was having a hard time with the meds and he would wait and see what happened. But he didn't think that this is the real me. But what if it is?
Sunday morning I noticed that I had not taken my meds like I thought I had. I went to church. No problem. I had a pretty good day. No big deal. Anyway, my husband and I talked a little. We talk all the time. But this was a little different.
I said something about something (trivial) that got on my nerves. He said, "Everyting gets on your nerves now."
Well, maybe I thought, it might be because I missed my meds. Yes, even missing one dose can mess with my perceptions of reality. I asked him about that and he said that I had been this way for awhile.
Well, poop! How can I know what's going on when I am still too high on my new meds? How can I know if this is the real me?
Oh, and I finally looked up Bordreline Personality Disorder. Damn that's scary! I was diagnosed with it in 1990; but I was always more concerned about my seizures and the stroke thing.
What if I became violent? What if I hurt someone I love? Yeah, and then I watched a program about a woman that had BPD and she cut up and ate her husband. Okay eeewwww! What if I'm bitchy for the rest of my life? What if my huaband decides he can't live with me any more?
Grrrrr! I know I'm doing this to myself. I asked him about it last night. He said that he knew I was having a hard time with the meds and he would wait and see what happened. But he didn't think that this is the real me. But what if it is?
Replies
Most people with BPD aren\'t violent. You know right from wrong, and I don\'t think your husband will leave you, if he has stuck by you this long. Besides, most women have their bad days? Isn\'t that the way God told us we would be? I hope you are feeling better soon.
Thanks for the support. But, I have been violent in the past. I knew right from wrong then, but still lost control. I don\'t want to do that again. But, maybe you all are right. Maybe once my meds are stablized everything will go back to normal.
Some of the meds take 4-6 weeks to REALLY kickin, so give yourself some time! It sounds like your husband loves you very much and is very understanding. You are not a hurtful person. Ok maybe were violent in the past, but that doesn\'t mean you will be in the future! Just take one day at a time and thing will get better!