Ok So i think I figured this out..
Ok so... Over the last while i've been missing my ex wife like crazy, or so i thought i was. We hung out again tonight..ever since that kiss we had on Friday she's been on my mind so i figured i'd go hang out, see were we stand and whatever.. We'll I guess to her it never did happen, we never spoke about it or anything so cool. So we hung out for about..3 hours, after an hour, i wanted to slit my wrists. My god I remember why i wanted to leave so many times....she drives me fucking crazy..lol.You ever have someone, want to show you something, that you care absolutly nothing about? We'll she was adament about showing me pictures of her and her friends having fun yada yada and to be honest, i really didnt want to see them because...I got it! I don't care about her. I dont care if she's happy, I dont care if she's having fun with her friends. Now'sssss....hanging out with her for 3 hours brought all of this back again, she was going on, and on, and on about..nothing?..and im not even kidding, nothing. No one but her would even give a shit ..lol, So i sat there nodding and thinking in my head omg, i feel like im married again and it was gross. I've been so down, so out of it because i THOUGHT i was missing my ex wife but in fact, im just missing companionship. Be it with her, or 15 other girls (what a thought!.....) i think im done with,"hanging out" i used to go down to her apt and just hope..and hope she would mention getting back together but she never does...she's moving on, exactly what I should be doing!!!!!! So i had a made up convo in my head tonight, and day dreamed about us getting back together and our life over the next say 5 years. I don't think i could ever forgive what she did to me when she left. If you wanted to leave fine, but she started seeing someone right away, flaunted it in my face to the point i was forced to move out of my own apt, move back in with my parents up-stairs. Right before she broke up with her BF about a month ago, she told me she wants to live like we were miles apart, she woke me up at 8AM on a Sat to tell me that she will be having her BF over and if i dont like it to bad. (I only asked for one thing, to not bring him around...and she said,"Omg of course not, ill give you all the time you need" We'll when it all came down to it....it was bullshit, she was willing to lose a friend, and a husband of 7 years over some dude she was seeing for a month..lol Anyway im going off on a rant again, and this is exactly why i wouldent be able to be back with Kee ever again. This was something i could just not "forgive and forget" about. Anyway, this whole thing probably does not make much sence but oh well!!!!! Bed Time =)