ok so far today

I feel ok cause i have been catching up on my slef today. I will ok for  today  be the  rest of the week i'll mmess up agian. I feel ok but craving cigarette s an wanting a new peirceing .i havnt cut in 4 days but i 've been picking  at then other older cuts about five on my top of legs . I did that high so i could still wear some shorts i have. Ii'm letting my nails grow. I want to get a manicure.  I think its like 10 bucks only. And would love to get a pedicure,  but I think that would. Be to much in my husdanbs eyes. I would like my nose pierced agian .i have done each side of my nose twice. I have the nose studs. I just dont know where to go. I dont want to ask my sister. I am staying aeay from her. The less the better. U know if she had her teeth out like i did i would have at least called her to see if she was ok, an if she neefed anything shes a very f...ing. mean person. . Were is her manners my mom an dad taught her. Out the windows. Shes such a drunk. Shes gonna die of that. She wont turn het life over, she had a clean start  after her deviorce. I am not saying she  should have stayed married no, ken was mean but was she mean too. I know i couldnt hug hrt for a good month after her  deviorce. I never had a nice sist we r when we wete young. She never lett be jion her friends to play, shewould mean things i cant mention .She even as a teen wanted me hsve sex with her an this idiot guy. Shes just screwy. She was always mad that me an dad would go for rides out to the country, or i would go out to dinner with him. We always asked her, she would say no. She would constantly say i was dads favorite . I cooked dinn r s when ma was in bed all day with head ache . I would do her work around the house. I would always wash clothes. She was lazy an dad would tell her she needs to do her work, at least make her bed. Till this day, no matter how sick i am i make beds. I was the mom, when mom wasnt there. I think mom still resents that i was the way i had to be. My dad was always angery, i know why, but when my dad found out his older girl, had bipolar he took me off the will. Like that was a fault. Thats ok, i dont want thier money , way. So now i think my sis the drunk is gonna try an rub this in my face. I dont care. I just want my parents to have it good now that thier sick.