OK...recharge and regroup...
Did another wedding last night. God, I must be getting impatient in my old age, but those things ALWAYS seem to go on WAY TOO LONG (multiple speeches from people who don't have a clue that they are way too long-winded and boring the shit out of their guests, dancing ad nauseum, first dance, bride/father dance, groom/mother dance, special dedication dance...zzzzz). Think I'm ready for a new career (get ready to hustle and work hard in my late 40s) whatever that may be. Women at the wedding? Nobody particularly interesting, at least nobody who didn't already have a boyfriend or husband, or was physically and emotionally available to me. I'm not there to hook up with somebody anyway; I'm a professional videographer there to simply observe and record the thing, record OTHER people being in love and having a good time. I look at weddings as my test bed for observing people, human nature. Typically a bunch of drunk excitement junkies at weddings.
Observing my red-hot chili pepper little Latina coworker as well...physically an exquisitely beautiful little specimen, but emotionally, there's just NOTHING there, except a shy, introverted, very structured soul who's kinda in her own little world, and a latent hostility toward anyone who attempts to "invade" that space. She gives NOTHING to the external world, no love, no NOTHING, except a certain wicked sense of humor and cold heart. (sigh) Well, even if she were interested (and, if she were, she sure is covert about it, I have no clue), she can have herself...all to herself. Hope she marries some schmuck she can control before her physicality fades and the outside is just as ugly as the inside. Not for me.
Guess I'll keep talking with the ladies in my travels on the bike. Might find someone deep and interesting, a serene, tranquil pool, someone into health and fitness, someone warm, sweet and funny (Hear me, Lord? I'm describing it so that the words, thrown out into the cosmos, actually create it in my path!). At the moment, they're either completely uninterested in me or they're dark control-freaks who get completely obsessed with me and want to control my every waking thought and even haunt my dreams too lol...suffocating, unable to breathe...maybe the ladies in general (here anyway) aren't for me, and I should just continue to wank for sexual gratification and hang with guy buddies for a kind of "brotherly love".
To anyone who may be tuning in, forgive the rant, just kind of bored, lonely and annoyed.
Observing my red-hot chili pepper little Latina coworker as well...physically an exquisitely beautiful little specimen, but emotionally, there's just NOTHING there, except a shy, introverted, very structured soul who's kinda in her own little world, and a latent hostility toward anyone who attempts to "invade" that space. She gives NOTHING to the external world, no love, no NOTHING, except a certain wicked sense of humor and cold heart. (sigh) Well, even if she were interested (and, if she were, she sure is covert about it, I have no clue), she can have herself...all to herself. Hope she marries some schmuck she can control before her physicality fades and the outside is just as ugly as the inside. Not for me.
Guess I'll keep talking with the ladies in my travels on the bike. Might find someone deep and interesting, a serene, tranquil pool, someone into health and fitness, someone warm, sweet and funny (Hear me, Lord? I'm describing it so that the words, thrown out into the cosmos, actually create it in my path!). At the moment, they're either completely uninterested in me or they're dark control-freaks who get completely obsessed with me and want to control my every waking thought and even haunt my dreams too lol...suffocating, unable to breathe...maybe the ladies in general (here anyway) aren't for me, and I should just continue to wank for sexual gratification and hang with guy buddies for a kind of "brotherly love".
To anyone who may be tuning in, forgive the rant, just kind of bored, lonely and annoyed.
Replies
I hear you. How about a bicycle club? Too limiting or too much effort?
Actually, I belonged to one at one point, through meetup.com. Might join up with those folks again. They ride really fast, but it was a lot of fun riding with them. Thanks!