Ok I'm back. Sorry about the delay...
My son came over this morning to drop off the baby early so he could contact the minister, and contact closest friends before heading down... just about gave me a heart attack because he didn't know how much I was worrying...
So I took care of the baby until my daughter-in-law got off work (they're desperately in need of money so she has to work right now)... Then I went down myself.
I peeked my head in around 3pm... my son was still there and THEN my X SPOKE! OMG, that was AMAZING! He didn't speak to me... he doesn't know I've been coming and all I do is look in around the corner.... he was speaking to our son who was sitting on the other side of the bed; our son excused himself when he saw me, and then came out to tell me what was going on...
When my son got the call from the hospital this morning, things were VERY dire. The X's internal bleeding was severe, and the infection had gotten into his blood stream and has now reached his stomach where severe ulcers had developed from the alcohol. Things are so bad, that they had to stop trying to feed him, and had to give him with something to try restrict the bleeding. And as my son stood there getting the info on the X's status, a noise came from his room.... the nurses went in, checked him over, saw that the swelling had gone down and they were able to remove the breathing tubes and he can now breathe on his own. He's still going in and out of consciousness, but when he is aware, he mumbles incoherently a lot because of the feeding tubes, but tells our son an understandable "I LOVE YOU" a lot too. They were together all day today.
I'm a basket case again too... the swing of crazy emotions are back. ANGER because I'm pissed off that he's done this to himself, because it hurts that he didn't care enough for us to go into rehab before it got to this point.... Sorrow and pity because this is such a HORRIBLE way to die... and LOVE. Which makes the whole thing even more awful for me....
They said this could linger for a long time... there is a small portion of his liver still working. But with that infection, he's still very unstable. I think I'm going to have to stay home from now on and just let my son keep me up to date... and keep my own anxiety under better control in the process. Thank you all for the prayers and hugs... we really appreciate them.
So I took care of the baby until my daughter-in-law got off work (they're desperately in need of money so she has to work right now)... Then I went down myself.
I peeked my head in around 3pm... my son was still there and THEN my X SPOKE! OMG, that was AMAZING! He didn't speak to me... he doesn't know I've been coming and all I do is look in around the corner.... he was speaking to our son who was sitting on the other side of the bed; our son excused himself when he saw me, and then came out to tell me what was going on...
When my son got the call from the hospital this morning, things were VERY dire. The X's internal bleeding was severe, and the infection had gotten into his blood stream and has now reached his stomach where severe ulcers had developed from the alcohol. Things are so bad, that they had to stop trying to feed him, and had to give him with something to try restrict the bleeding. And as my son stood there getting the info on the X's status, a noise came from his room.... the nurses went in, checked him over, saw that the swelling had gone down and they were able to remove the breathing tubes and he can now breathe on his own. He's still going in and out of consciousness, but when he is aware, he mumbles incoherently a lot because of the feeding tubes, but tells our son an understandable "I LOVE YOU" a lot too. They were together all day today.
I'm a basket case again too... the swing of crazy emotions are back. ANGER because I'm pissed off that he's done this to himself, because it hurts that he didn't care enough for us to go into rehab before it got to this point.... Sorrow and pity because this is such a HORRIBLE way to die... and LOVE. Which makes the whole thing even more awful for me....
They said this could linger for a long time... there is a small portion of his liver still working. But with that infection, he's still very unstable. I think I'm going to have to stay home from now on and just let my son keep me up to date... and keep my own anxiety under better control in the process. Thank you all for the prayers and hugs... we really appreciate them.
Replies
Supporting thoughts and prayers coming your way for you and your son.
I am thinking of all of you constantly and praying for all of you! Especially you! I know you will take care of yourself, so don\'t forget! (((HUGS)))
This is a very sad story. Perhaps I\'ve missed some of your journals as I didn\'t know your ex was in such a bad way and in hospital. Addiction is a terrible things and some people are able to beat it and some....just can\'t. How much \'choice\' is involved is the big variable there....and has always been a contentious and much debated issued is addiction studies (have taken an addiction course so know a little). How much free will is involved and the \'choices\' that he made....frankly, all of that doesn\'t matter much now, does it? You must deal with the fall out in the way that best serves you. I\'m not sure how long you\'ve been divorced and how and on what level you relationship operates, but what I do know is that you have to do what is right for you. I\'m guessing the ex does not have an ow to \'look out\' for him, but he does have your son. By visiting and not making your presence known, you are giving yourself tremendous stress. I agree with your instinct to stay away for now and let your son handle the family connection and visiting. Take care hon and hugs of support - you have made choices to live a healthy life; you need to feel good about that much more than feeling bad about the ex\'s sad predicament. I don\'t mean that to sound harsh, but more to remind you to feel grateful for what is good in your life and that you are able to have love and compassion in your heart.
I am holding you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.
Still holding you up in prayer. Big ((hugs)). This has to be so horrible for all of you. I can imagine the flow of emotions. Take good care of yourself.