Ohhhhh

Happy New Year .... Only one thing could make it better... If Chris was alive & healthy. That is always the one thing that would make it better.   My husband & I spent the evening babysitting our 5 week old grandson "Christopher" what a wonderful feeling, he is so new & innocent. Today as I sit her thinking about him, with a grin,  I also think of Chris our first born and how much i miss him, If I think too much my heart begins to ache with pain. I miss him so much.  But there is nothing I can do to bring him back.  I don't believe this aching, empty feeling will ever go go away. I think back to when the pain was new & yes I can say it doesn't cripple me as it did ... but i will forever not be whole again.  I try so hard to stay strong, but sometimes I wish I could just curl up in a ball and stay in bed forever. But I know that is not possible & I would miss the happiness I have with my living son, Steven  & daughter in law, Dacey and their son "Christopher"  ...