Oh no
Well. The feelings are back. I feel completely hopeless and anxious and I just want to roll over and die.
It was so much easier when I was restricting. The trade-off was that I couldn't feel extreme joy either, but at least this terrible sadness was dulled. It's unbearable, really.
I feel like I will never want to move away, always be anxious and sad and scared. I won't ever be able to find a place doing something useful and I will never find somebody I feel that spark with. I feel that spark so rarely, which is why I'm willing to be treated like shit when I find it.
It's days like these that remind me life is never going to be the way I thought it was, and that most of the things I believed in are total and utter shit.
It was so much easier when I was restricting. The trade-off was that I couldn't feel extreme joy either, but at least this terrible sadness was dulled. It's unbearable, really.
I feel like I will never want to move away, always be anxious and sad and scared. I won't ever be able to find a place doing something useful and I will never find somebody I feel that spark with. I feel that spark so rarely, which is why I'm willing to be treated like shit when I find it.
It's days like these that remind me life is never going to be the way I thought it was, and that most of the things I believed in are total and utter shit.
Replies
I know somedays seems like nothing good can result from it, and I just consider days like those, my bad days. The trick is to try and survive your bad days, but not dwelling on them too much, or finding something that might be considered to be the positive out of the entire negative day. Once you make it through your bads days(which will pass), you\'ll be able to smile through your good days. Don\'t let 1 bad day determine how the rest of your week will go. Hang in there, the days do get better.
What you believe in right now is dictated by the brain chemicals in your head!!! They\'re lying to you!!!! Just like when we get TOO happy, that\'s a lie, too!!!! I know it feels like the truth and like it\'s going to be this way forever, but it won\'t!!!!
Sometimes, it takes people years to find just the right meds to get \'stable\'!!!!
And never mind how good that spark feels when it happens!!!! Keep you standards high!!! Don\'t waste time on losers!!! While you\'re spending time with them, the good ones are passing on by!!! ONLY get to know the good ones!!! Then when the spark comes it will be a wonderful, happy thing!!! Not a situation where you will get treated like shit!!!
Maybe you\'re right that life will never be the way you thought it was, but that doesn\'t mean that it can\'t be good!!! You just can\'t SEE the truth of that right now!! It\'s the illness whispering these things to you. Not reality!!! (((((Hugs)))))
I am leery of meds. They may help some but they also mess with reality in your mind. Be careful with them says I!
awh its hard to see you feel so defeated. I know how you feel about the trade off of feelings between restricting and b/p, each have their pros and cons for us. I dont know much about your path to recovery seeing how I just met you, BUT hope you are seeing someone. take care bud
Just thought of something else. Could youir restricting be messing with your hormones? Maybe that\'s where the spark went? But I am sure you will feel it again. Perhaps it\'s just too soon after the breakup for you to be ready. Love will find you one day. I just KNOW it! But it helps if you can find yourself first! =)
Im sorry your feeling this way hun, here for you!