Oh no....

Day 11 --- It has been easy to stay GF for the past 11 days.  NO money and lots of remorse.  However, the remorse is waning and the money is coming.   Why does this always happen.... I always forget how bad I feel after I gamble.  The guilt, shame, remorse, self-loathing. Deep down, I dont want to gamble.  I dont want to give my money away.  However, once I get the thought in my head, its hard to talk me out of it.   I dont think I will gamble---I just want the thoughts of "maybe" to go away.   Gambling is not supposed to be an option. Somehow, it keeps getting shoved into my head that it is an option. Reasons I will not go gambling over the next five days (even though I will have money and be alone): The money I have is for a vacation next week --- That would be like stealing from my daughter.  I promised her we were going and I have reservations at a hotel.  (justification keeps saying -- if you lose, you can just use your credit card for the trip.  NO NO NO) I am up to my @ss in CC debt already.   Stop the madness....... If I dont stop now... will I ever?   Or, will it take a life changing event (caused by gambling) to make me kick the habit?  I dont want it to go that far....  I want/need the strength to make good choices.  Choices that not only affect me, but my family as well. One day @ a time.....

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I know how feel about feeling maybe it has been too easy so far, I am on day ten. I know when I hear people say they went back after a time being gamble free I kind of think oh I can go back someday. I fear I am still holding on in some way, after all it was my best friend for almost 8 years. Just keep going one day at a time I know it is so hard to think of forever. Best wishes and try to think of how much fun a vaction will be.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Shelia, write a journal, mark it private if you want, detail how bad you feel after a bad gambling day. The emotions you feel after, what you have to go thru to fix the mess you created. When the urges get to strong, go back and read what you wrote. Then think do You really want to do this again. Thats what I do. Hugs Steph