This morning my wife started it again. She is upset with me to say the least. I can't explain everything that has has gone on and I am not trying to lay blame I know that I am to blame for all the things I have done, but how much pain is payment enough. I have decided that I have now paid the price for two and a half years and I have paid enough. I asked her if she was still blaming me for everything and I made it very clear that her silence means that I am still carrying the blame. Well there was no answer. An assumpsion in my part is that I am at fault for losing my job and everything since that point (I have already accepted the blame for drnking and everything that came with it thats a no brainer). I was not to blame for losing my job. My position was no longer required due to cutbacks and has never been re-opened. Anyway now I know where I stand anyway and I am living with it. I refuse to let her bring me down any more. If I am no longer good enough for her then so be it. I am not paying any more than I already have. My debt to her is hereby paid in full, I'm done crying.