OH sweet change..

  Instead of another vent journal I think im going to try to take a different route with this one..... I want to change.  I want to know what it feels like to be happy, I want to know what it feels like to love..fully love.  See.. When me and my wife met, I was 17 years old..young, hitting the gym like crazy, very confident and apparently very funny and charming. Somewere from the age of 20..onward I lost that guy. I lost Wes. I've become a very unemotional person(untill recently) passive agressive, angry, cold, bitter just an overall dick at times. After doing some heavy self reflecting over the past month, I have made some bad choices, and some things just caught up with me. My depression for one, I remember being sad, or not FULL if you know what i mean? even at 19.. but i never did seek treatment or help...its developed to a point now were i spent almost an hour this morning in the bathroom trying NOT to break down and cry. I have no interest in anything but my music. I do not enjoy hanging out with my friends anymore, playing games, baseball...watching sports...and most of all...no motiviation to start hitting the gym again. I used to LOVE lifting weights and I've been paying for a Gym that im not going too. How unfair is it for her...i've totally changed from the Man i once was, the man she vowed to...into this. I must, and WILL change. It would be amazing if I could change and my wife and I could work ..but regardless, I want to be this person again, fun to be around....social man. Oh wes...were are you hiding? *runs looking...*

Replies

NotReady2BackDown
NotReady2BackDown

wonderful outlook you have there, do this for YOU no one else. you will find the old wes, just takes time ok? and if you dont find it ill come up there and beat it out of ya! haha.