OH sweet change..
Instead of another vent journal I think im going to try to take a different route with this one..... I want to change. I want to know what it feels like to be happy, I want to know what it feels like to love..fully love. See.. When me and my wife met, I was 17 years old..young, hitting the gym like crazy, very confident and apparently very funny and charming. Somewere from the age of 20..onward I lost that guy. I lost Wes. I've become a very unemotional person(untill recently) passive agressive, angry, cold, bitter just an overall dick at times. After doing some heavy self reflecting over the past month, I have made some bad choices, and some things just caught up with me. My depression for one, I remember being sad, or not FULL if you know what i mean? even at 19.. but i never did seek treatment or help...its developed to a point now were i spent almost an hour this morning in the bathroom trying NOT to break down and cry. I have no interest in anything but my music. I do not enjoy hanging out with my friends anymore, playing games, baseball...watching sports...and most of all...no motiviation to start hitting the gym again. I used to LOVE lifting weights and I've been paying for a Gym that im not going too. How unfair is it for her...i've totally changed from the Man i once was, the man she vowed to...into this. I must, and WILL change. It would be amazing if I could change and my wife and I could work ..but regardless, I want to be this person again, fun to be around....social man. Oh wes...were are you hiding? *runs looking...*