Oh shit...it\'s another day...
I feel like smashing my head through a pane of glass...or perhaps just into a brick wall. As you can probably tell I'm not feeling very good. To be honest I'm not feeling 'sad' or 'upset', I don't really know how to describe how I'm feeling. A bit dazed, not really with it. I feel overwhelmed by everything and I think it just got too much for my brain, it's just switch off into automatic pilot mode.Earlier on during the break between after Lunch and afternoon snack at Day Patients, I went out for a walk. I knew exactly where I wanted to go....and exactly WHY I wanted to go there. I walked down to one of the bridges that lead over the Thames. I'd been getting images/thoughts about throwing myself off it (although not actually intending to) and I just wanted to go down there. Was I wrong to do it? Was it risky even though I felt in control at the time? Has anyone had a similar experience? It just felt...I don't know, like my heart was all fluttery and I was getting kind of jittery but it felt good in a way? It's happened before when I've had images of me jumping infront of a train or car and then have to cross a road or stand on a platform. The difference is I actually went 'looking' for it today. I don't know, my mind is driving me insane at the moment.
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