OH Roger
The hummingbirds are starting to come back now, first the male like you taught me now some females but no last yrs babies yet. It was nice out yesterday I enjoyed being outside working. I have always been a worker especially outside thus the Range Manager degree. Wish I could go back to work doing that but who would hire a 61 yr old when so many are laid off. I would go to work in office if I could - I wish I could get to work, it would make me feel financially secure. I am afraid of running out of finances.
I know your work on this earth is done, I know what you brought to my life was alot of wonderful fun times: I taught you to ride horses again, we rode so many trails you rode so many miles with your retired buddies when I worked I know you loved Moon so much. And we got snowmobiles and every weekend when possible there we were, it was so fun, we took trips in our camper to see places, I took you to places I could not believe you have never been to just in our area. Our rafting trip down the Rogue River with Treva & Jerry. You showed me how to shoot a bow, and our archery club meets were fun. We picked this place together perfect setting for a wildlife biologist to see the elk & deer go by with occasional bear & cougar. You loved your coffee guys -
Oh Roger I did notice you slowing down & changing I just did not know why. I miss you, we all miss you. What should I do? Your kids hate me blame me - I did not stop them from coming to see you, I liked them & thought we got along so well. The 1 yr anniversary of your loss is coming up & I do not want to go see where we together spread your ashes it was so ugly so much hate and anomosity that day. I do not think I will ever want to see them again. Can't you do something? Please help me forgive them, forget the, & find peace with it. It bothers me at times. I was a good person to them. So I do not know what to do to celebrate your life being gone on that day. I am thinking of getting a tree to plant & put remaining ashes with Jessies = that old dog loved you so much.
Your stepmom is suffering in pain so much in nursing home, she wants to go I pray to God every night please let her go home with you & your dad. I do not understand why God does not end her suffering but took you so young when you were needed so badly here. And my Mom is not getting better really. When its my turn to go there is where the answers will be but I want them now sadly.
I know your work on this earth is done, I know what you brought to my life was alot of wonderful fun times: I taught you to ride horses again, we rode so many trails you rode so many miles with your retired buddies when I worked I know you loved Moon so much. And we got snowmobiles and every weekend when possible there we were, it was so fun, we took trips in our camper to see places, I took you to places I could not believe you have never been to just in our area. Our rafting trip down the Rogue River with Treva & Jerry. You showed me how to shoot a bow, and our archery club meets were fun. We picked this place together perfect setting for a wildlife biologist to see the elk & deer go by with occasional bear & cougar. You loved your coffee guys -
Oh Roger I did notice you slowing down & changing I just did not know why. I miss you, we all miss you. What should I do? Your kids hate me blame me - I did not stop them from coming to see you, I liked them & thought we got along so well. The 1 yr anniversary of your loss is coming up & I do not want to go see where we together spread your ashes it was so ugly so much hate and anomosity that day. I do not think I will ever want to see them again. Can't you do something? Please help me forgive them, forget the, & find peace with it. It bothers me at times. I was a good person to them. So I do not know what to do to celebrate your life being gone on that day. I am thinking of getting a tree to plant & put remaining ashes with Jessies = that old dog loved you so much.
Your stepmom is suffering in pain so much in nursing home, she wants to go I pray to God every night please let her go home with you & your dad. I do not understand why God does not end her suffering but took you so young when you were needed so badly here. And my Mom is not getting better really. When its my turn to go there is where the answers will be but I want them now sadly.
Replies
Hang in there Hon. I kmow there are so many unanswered questions we seek in God. There are so many we dont understand. I have all these same questions. We just have to pray and trust in our Lord to have mercy on us while we are still here on earth. I know its so frustrating at the same time but what can we do but make these decisions to the best of our abilities and hope and pray there are the right ones. Ask for strength and guidence. I do. We never really thought about life in general until we lost our spouses. As for your family I pray they will come around but unfortunately its out of your control. You can only do so much. Thinking about you. Edie
Yes, hang in there! I have a step daughter that will not communicate with me and it hurts. I have learned to let go of it as it really is her problem. My husband died a year ago this coming June 8th and I have struggled with what to do and came to a discussion today. I am going to plant a small, pretty tree in the area he grew his tomatoes, beans, squash, and peppers. I also bought a glazed globe and a stand, a garden stone kit that I can make and implant what I want in it. It will be a humming bird or a fish along with some pretty small stones or tiles. Then I will put his favorite bench near it. I also bought bags of small stones to place under the globe which will be on a stand, and around the tree and under the stone. I know you will find the right thing to do. Breathe! Hugs, Lindanne
Lindanne - I am going to follow your lead, plant a tree with some other plants around it, I have some neat large rocks I collected its on a small slope but on the end will place some of the rocks....