Oh my, how time flies.
It seems years are my time frame lately. I just read my last journal entry. A lot has happened since then. Jelly died just a couple of weeks later. I miss her so much still. She was the best cat in the world and I love her so much. I'm ready to cry right now just remembering. I rescued Sake' from the pound less than a week after Jelly died. She's this crazy black ball of fur that purrs 24/7. No joke, she never stops. She is insane, really. Like she's on speed, zooming around the house one minute, then the next she's nudging me as if to say "How dare you ignore me! Now pet me here." I love her. Jelly's sister lives in my sister's room. She's evil, but I love her, kind of like blood of my blood or some other lame concept. When I move out, she's coming with me. Which may be hard since she and Sake' have a feud going on.
I'm officially moved to the middle of nowhere. I've been here a year now. I don't have a job. I don't have a friend. I don't have any romantic interests. Ironically, I still somehow judge myself around one of those romantic interests. I'm stuck at home, going crazy. My eating is all over the place. One day I don't eat, the next I scarf most of what's in site. I've lost a good bit of weight in the last year. Mostly in the healthy way. But the more weight I lose, the harder it seems to remember that healthy is a good thing. Part of me wants all this weight off right this instant. Part of me wants to give in. The other part of me says to hold on to this slip of sanity and remember how bad it can get. I don't know.
I don't know if it's the weather or what, but I've been moody, discontent, miserable, and just all out sad for months now. I cry over everything and nothing. Thanksgiving day, I forgot to make the green bean casserole, so my sister started it. And I was crying and apologizing to her.. Then just Sunday, I left the heater on in the bathroom to warm it up in order to take a bath (I'm chronically cold and it just plain hurts to get in hot water). My mom got onto me and what did I do? I broke down, and I shut myself in my room, and I went to sleep early. I appear to be sleeping more and more. I actually thought I was pregnant for a bit, long story, guess not. As much as I would love to have a child, it's probably for the best. I just need to get out of this slump. I hate being like this. I'm usually this bouncy ray of fun. I can't even remember that girl.
I miss Jeremy. I know for a fact he could snap me out of this depression and this relapse. Because this is what this is, a relapse. There are slip ups and there are slides and there are relapses. I'm appear to be going downhill fast. Something's going on in his life.. And I haven't talked to him in months. I'm supposedly going to be hearing from him before January is over. Who knows. I just know that I miss him, I just know that I need him. Everyone expects me to have been over him by now. Guess that's just another thing I just don't know how to do..
I'm officially moved to the middle of nowhere. I've been here a year now. I don't have a job. I don't have a friend. I don't have any romantic interests. Ironically, I still somehow judge myself around one of those romantic interests. I'm stuck at home, going crazy. My eating is all over the place. One day I don't eat, the next I scarf most of what's in site. I've lost a good bit of weight in the last year. Mostly in the healthy way. But the more weight I lose, the harder it seems to remember that healthy is a good thing. Part of me wants all this weight off right this instant. Part of me wants to give in. The other part of me says to hold on to this slip of sanity and remember how bad it can get. I don't know.
I don't know if it's the weather or what, but I've been moody, discontent, miserable, and just all out sad for months now. I cry over everything and nothing. Thanksgiving day, I forgot to make the green bean casserole, so my sister started it. And I was crying and apologizing to her.. Then just Sunday, I left the heater on in the bathroom to warm it up in order to take a bath (I'm chronically cold and it just plain hurts to get in hot water). My mom got onto me and what did I do? I broke down, and I shut myself in my room, and I went to sleep early. I appear to be sleeping more and more. I actually thought I was pregnant for a bit, long story, guess not. As much as I would love to have a child, it's probably for the best. I just need to get out of this slump. I hate being like this. I'm usually this bouncy ray of fun. I can't even remember that girl.
I miss Jeremy. I know for a fact he could snap me out of this depression and this relapse. Because this is what this is, a relapse. There are slip ups and there are slides and there are relapses. I'm appear to be going downhill fast. Something's going on in his life.. And I haven't talked to him in months. I'm supposedly going to be hearing from him before January is over. Who knows. I just know that I miss him, I just know that I need him. Everyone expects me to have been over him by now. Guess that's just another thing I just don't know how to do..
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